~~iT'S aLL aBouT Me~~

Imperfection~

2010-12-09T19:28:00.003+08:00

You look at me, you speak to me, you stand next to me, only to tell and show me my weakness.

You talk to me, we fight, and at the end, you say its me and my words.
You look at me, and you remind me how awful i seem to your eyes.
You stand next to me, only to show how superior you are compared to me.
You walk away, leaving me broken, standing speechless about what is left.

Its my mistake maybe,
Shattered dreams, only illusions..
I guess it all seems impossible now..
Broken trusts, and broken hearts...
I built too much faith on words and love...
I'm sorry, its my mistake entirely.

If only you felt that same spark you did, when you first saw me...
If only you felt how sweet my words are, similar to the first day we spoke..
If only you felt proud and happy standing next to me, like you did yesteryears..
Only then you will not see the imperfection that is reflected upon me.

You will always be my shine when it rains,
The smile that comes during a terrible day,
Your memories will fill my lonely days
For what i had and have till today is pure...

What the heart has once owned and had, it shall never lose~

Betrayal~

2010-11-17T09:35:00.002+08:00

Today i gained a very valuable lesson. A lesson which i will never forget till the end of time. Betrayal! I learnt that people, regardless of how close they are to you, or how attached you bond with them, have all the ability in the world, to stab u right on ur chest, without realising the impact of their actions.

Yes, i have been a victim, i never knew, that people at a point of time in my life, would just turn their backs at me, and never realise the impact of their actions. I am not worried about people knowing the truth, but i trusted you with secrets. I know lots about you too, i never went round discussing with the world did i?

I feel fooled, cause i once trusted you. There may be distance between people, people part sometimes, but do you realise that, only when you part, it shows you your character, your ability to deal with it. And clearly, you made a fool of urself. I must say, as an educated human being, you acted the cheapest. Its ok, discuss about me all you want, talk as if there is no tomorrow, someday you will taste your own medicine, and when that day comes, it will just be too late to mend what has been broken.

This reminds me of a topic my friend discussed with me. He said, indians are divided into casts, and the lowest are said to be 'paraiyar''. Some people are unaware of their status, but their actions prove it. You have successfully proven to me that you are it, and that will never change my opinion towards you! For a person who never believed in casts, and for a person who thought everyone is equal, i today must say that, you proved to me that, even this segregation of casts, its all cause of the human own doing!

I learnt hard today, that from this day forward, i need not think or wonder or ponder about you cause i feel, you never respected me enough, you never cared for me enough.. compared to the amount of care and respect i had for you.. From this day forward, watch your back gal, i wont stab you, but reality bites, so some day you will hit hard! Beware!

And to those who gave me a chance to bounce back.. actually only one person.. thanks! You will be remembered forever~

The Bitter Truth

2010-10-24T09:01:00.003+08:00

I have realised that:

~You can never love someone or something, and believe that it is going to be yours entirely!

~You can lift your spirits with words, but actions speak louder than words!

~You can climb the highest mountain, but never without falling and hurting yourself!

~Life is never fair, its UNFAIR! Many never follow rules and norms!

~People change, drastically, to the best of their interest. Nothing you do can stop them!

~The traits people lack these day : Gratitude!

~The tongue is a sharp object! Its thorns are only visible after the prick!

~The heart can never be protected from pain! One day or another, it will hurt, and the pain in unbearable and ever lasting!

~No one has the right to judge us, or comment on us. But the irony is: People judge others, to portray their strengths!

~Appreciation cannot be expected, not even a single thank you. These days, people look for help, but never appreciate it!

~Expectations is something you put upon yourself, cause you know your capability and limits. Expectations never work on others, surrounding us!

~Happiness and sadness is in your hands! Choose to be happy, Change sad moments into cheerful ones!

~People who hide their feelings are not fools. They're angels, who wish no harm and pain towards others!

~Insecurity lives within all of us. Some just show them, others hide them!

~Put your head up high, the world may turn their backs, but remember, parents had you for a reason, so strive hard!

~SMILE! Regardless of how hard life has an impact on you, a smile can lift your spirits up!

~A person who judges someone based on here say, is like a human being unable to think!

The decided~

2010-10-02T23:17:00.003+08:00

I have decided,
I am not going to force it,
I'm not going to hunt,
I'm not going to chase after it..

I have decided
I'm going to wait
I'm going to watch what happens
I'm going to surrender what comes my way
I'm going to make the best of it

Cause i have lost
Every little bit of energy
To fight for what this heart truly desires~

My Life... Today~

2010-09-27T21:28:00.002+08:00

The earth rotates around the sun, and the moon rotates around the earth. Its unique, how they're never at the same spot always. I have begun to realise that life is also the same. We're never in the same spot, the exact same spot. Someway or another, things have changed, we may be in the same place, at the same time, but never in the same year, or we may never have the same feeling. Its unique, it makes us have a greater perception to life. I guess, it supports the fact that "Nothing is ever permanent in life, some way or another things change!"

Life today is pretty focused. Its very precise, very distinct, very accurate. Time is spread according to a schedule, work is distributed according to availability of instrument and its corresponding analysis, Life is centered towards achieving goals and aspirations, Leisure circulates among the ones we trust and love, Ambition stands at the top spot, and other "likes" and "desires" just mingle around, slotting them where ever possible. I like this life for some reason, its fulfilling, more me, less people, less worries abt the society, focused on me, my family, my immediate and my goals!

Some would crave for this life of mine, a rather boring scheduled life, but i always bear in mind that its the boring life that is craved, less of ups and downs, more of time for thoughts and rationalism. So many things around me have changed, the irony is people still pretend like there was nothing. Well, things are meant to be... everything is meant to be.. so we'll let it be! :)

I'm missing home terribly.. have not gone home for such a long time. Thank God for the wonderful souls that surround me during this stormy moment. Laughter, little chatters, giggles and warm company have always made me feel like home. You all know who you are! I love u all ;)

Life is blend, life is plain, but i hope it all ends well...

cheerz to all

sharu~

Yin and yang~

2010-09-09T17:16:00.004+08:00

'A quiet morning, a rather empty afternoon, and all i can expect is that at night, something bright lights up my day'.

A common feeling that runs in Sarah's mind always. The feeling of wanting a change from this "current" life. Its so awkward, how she can be so cheerful at one point of time, and then just end up crying alone in her room. And the irony is she never knew, what actually made her tear.

Her source of happiness could be her peers, and colleagues who are always making her laugh. The funny stories, the good company, unexpected incidents(happy ones that is), little joy rides and actually enjoying the scenery of life she has just been exposed to.

And the sadness, it could be her hectic life, having no time to pamper and love herself. It could be love, broken hearts and painful love. It could be difficult career and high expectations and goals. It could even the dark clouds of loneliness or emptiness, making her world seem so blue.

It makes her wonder sometimes, is this life, is it always like this? She has never experienced this, its entirely new, but the question is, whether this is what she is expecting... is this life?

Happy moments are just too precious to be missed, the sad ones are just too painful to bear. She wondered sometimes, if she could choose... but she knew, everything needed some form of balance, and this is it, the balance of life...yin and yang!

Bitterness~

2010-09-07T16:04:00.002+08:00

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't
supposed to ever let you down probably will.
You will have your heart broken probably more than once and
it's harder every time.You'll break hearts too, so remember how
it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best
friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did.
You'll cry because time is passing too fast,
and you'll eventually lose someone you love.
So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've
never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset
is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.

~*~*~

There comes a point in every girls life where
she realizes that she just needs to let it go,
I mean nothings ever gonna change the fact that at one
point I really did love you with everything in me...
It's just the fact that I simply cannot do this to myself and I cannot make this work
...face it baby we're in a lose-lose situation...and as far as you're 
concerned i'm just on one of my "im leaving for good this time" kicks again,
but the olny difference is this time it's real...
I'm done, and don't bother because you're never gonna change,
honestly you CAN'T change & we BOTH know that...
So when you finally realized that I loved you wayyy
more than I ever could have loved anyone else, you'll see something more in me,
somthing that you're forced to live without. this was an original i made
it up about my ex...and im tired of girls copy n pasting it on aim.

~*~*~

Humans will kill each other...
And when the last one stands among the corpses
of his brothers....
It is then that he will beg for death.
Humans will curse their friends...
Till he has no more...
And in the end he'll realize...
He's all alone.
Humanity will kill for riches....
And then kill one another.
By the time man realizes he cannot eat money....
They will begin to eat each other.
Have not pity.
They are but animals.
Killing the planet.
And destroying their souls.

~*~*~

The word love...
is so powerfull that once a guy says it
they have total access to a girls heart...
but no matter how many times a girl says it
she cant stop them from leaving with it...

-Need to update!-

2010-09-03T08:32:00.002+08:00

Current favs! Impossible and love the way you lie!

I know i owe updates! I will soon..

On a roller coaster ride!

Lots to tell, so little time..

soon soon... it will be here soon ;)

Impossible~

2010-09-03T08:27:00.002+08:00

Shontelle: Impossible Lyrics

I remember years ago
Someone told me I should take
Caution when it comes to love
I did, I did

And you were strong and I was not
My illusion, my mistake
I was careless, I forgot
I did

And now when all is done
There is nothing to say
You have gone and so effortlessly
You have won
You can go ahead tell them

Tell them all I know now
Shout it from the roof tops
Write it on the sky line
All we had is gone now

Tell them all I know now
Shout it from the roof tops
Write it on the sky line
All we had is gone now

Tell them I was happy
And my heart is broken
All my scars are open
Tell them what I hoped would be
Impossible, impossible
Impossible, impossible

Falling out of love is hard
Falling for betrayal is worst
Broken trust and broken hearts
I know, I know

Thinking all you need is there
Building faith on love and words
Empty promises will wear
I know, I know

And now when all is gone
There is nothing to say
And if you're done with embarrassing me
On your own you can go ahead tell them

Tell them all I know now
Shout it from the roof tops
Write it on the sky line
All we had is gone now

Tell them I was happy
And my heart is broken
All my scars are open
Tell them what I hoped would be
Impossible, impossible
Impossible, impossible
Impossible, impossible
Impossible, impossible!
Ooh impossible (yeah yeah)

I remember years ago
Someone told me I should take
Caution when it comes to love
I did

Tell them all I know now
Shout it from the roof tops
Write it on the sky line
All we had is gone now

Tell them I was happy
And my heart is broken
All my scars are open
Tell them what I hoped would be
Impossible, impossible
Impossible, impossible
Impossible, impossible
Impossible, impossible

I remember years ago
Someone told me I should take
Caution when it comes to love
I did..

Love the way your lie~

2010-09-03T08:21:00.002+08:00

Eminem ft. Rihanna
Love The Way You Lie lyrics

[Chorus - Rihanna]
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
Well that's all right because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
Well that's all right because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

[Eminem - Verse 1]
I can't tell you what it really is, I can only tell you what it feels like
And right now it's a steel knife in my windpipe
I can't breathe but I still fight while I can fight
As long as the wrong feels right it's like I'm in flight
High off her love, drunk from my hate, it's like I'm huffin' pain
And I love it the more I suffer, I suffocate
And right before I'm about to drown, she resuscitates me, she f**kin' hates me
And I love it, "wait, where you goin'?"
"I'm leavin' you," "no you ain't come back"
We're runnin' right back, here we go again
So insane, cause when it's goin' good it's goin' great
I'm superman with the wind at his back, she's Lois Lane
But when it's bad it's awful, I feel so ashamed I snap
Whose that dude? I don't even know his name
I laid hands on her
I'll never stoop so low again
I guess I don't know my own strength

[Chorus]

[Eminem - Verse 2]
You ever love somebody so much you can barely breathe
When you with em you meet and neither one of you even know what hit em
Got that warm fuzzy feeling
Yeah them chills used to get em
Now you're getting f**kin' sick of lookin' at em
You swore you'd never hit em, never do nothin' to hurt em
Now you're in each other's face spewin' venom in your words when you spit em
You push pull each other's hair
Scratch claw hit em throw em down pin em
So lost in the moments when you're in em
It's the rage that's the culprit, controls you both
So they say it's best to go your seperate ways
Guess that they don't know ya
Cause today that was yesterday
Yesterday is over, it's a different day
Sound like broken records playin' over
But you promised her next time you'll show restraint
You don't get another chance
Life is no nintendo game, but you lied again
Now you get to watch her leave out the window
Guess that's why they call it window pane

[Chorus]

[Eminem - Verse 3]
Now I know we said things, did things, that we didn't mean
And we fall back into the same patterns, same routine
But your temper's just as bad as mine is, you're the same as me
When it comes to love you're just as blinded
Baby please come back, it wasn't you, baby it was me
Maybe our relationship isn't as crazy as it seems
Maybe that's what happens when a tornado meets a volcano
All I know is I love you too much to walk away though
Come inside, pick up the bags off the sidewalk
Don't you hear sincerity in my voice when I talk?
Told you this is my fault, look me in the eyeball
Next time I'm pissed I'll aim my fist at the drywall
Next time there won't be no next time
I apologize even though I know it's lies
I'm tired of the games I just want her back
I know I'm a liar if she ever tries to f**kin' leave again
I'ma tie her to the bed and set this house on fire

Stages in Friendship~

2010-06-23T22:32:00.001+08:00

In kindergarten your idea of a good friend was the person who let you have the red crayon when all that was left was the ugly black one.

In first grade your idea of a good friend was the person who went to the bathroom with you and held your hand as you walked through the scary halls.

In second grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you stand up to the class bully.

In third grade your idea of a good friend was the person who shared their lunch with you when you forgot yours on the bus.

In fourth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who was willing to switch square dancing partners in gym so you wouldn't have to be stuck do-si-do-ing with the dork of the class.

In fifth grade your idea of a friend was the person who saved a seat on the back of the bus for you.

In sixth grade your idea of a friend was the person who went up to your new crush, and asked them to dance with you, so that if they said no you wouldn't have to be embarrassed.

In seventh grade your idea of a friend was the person who let you copy the social studies homework from the night before that you had forgotten about.

In eighth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you pack up your stuffed animals and old baseball cards so that your room would be a "high schooler's" room, but didn't laugh at you when you finished and broke out into tears.

In ninth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who went with you to that "cool" party thrown by a senior so you wouldn't wind up being the only freshman there.

In tenth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who changed their schedule so you would have someone to sit with at lunch.

In eleventh grade your idea of a good friend was the person who
gave you rides in their new car,
convinced your parents that you shouldn't be grounded,
consoled you when you broke up with your significant other
and found you a date to the prom.

In twelfth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who
helped you pick out a college,
assured you that you would get into that college,
helped you deal with your parents who were having a hard time adjusting to the idea of letting you go.

At graduation your idea of a good friend was the person who was crying on the inside but managed the biggest smile one could give as they congratulated you.

The summer after twelfth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who
Helped you clean up from that party.
Helped you sneak out of the house when you just couldn't deal with your parents.
Assured you that now that your significant other were back together, you could make it through anything.
Helped you pack up for college and just silently hugged you as you looked through blurry eyes at 18 years of memories you were leaving behind.
And finally on those last days of childhood, went out of their way to come over and send you off with a hug, a lot of memories and reassurance that you would make it in college as well as you had these past 18 years.
But most importantly sent you off to college knowing you were loved.

Now, your idea of a good friend is still the person who
Gives you the better of the two choices.
Holds your hand when you're scared.
Helps you fight off those who try to take advantage of you.
Thinks of you at times when you are not there.
Reminds you of what you have forgotten.
Helps you put the past behind you but understands when you need to hold on to it a little longer.
Stays with you so that you have confidence.
Goes out of their way to make time for you.
Helps you clear up your mistakes.
Helps you deal with pressure from others.
Smiles for you when they are sad.
Helps you become a better person.
However most importantly loves you!

F.E.A.R

2010-06-21T21:10:00.002+08:00

Its the fear we have that haunts us everyday of our lives. Its the scary feeling deep inside you that keeps u alert, telling u to always keep an eye on everything. Its that fear that pulls you back from moving forward, walking towards your desires. Its all fear!

I fear moving forward. Knowing that nothing is clear in the future, nothing is visible enough to be expected, actually kills me. Waking up everyday not knowing what to do, or where to start is really very scary. I want to know what i am supposed to do, or where i'm supposed to start. I want to know what i'm going to face, what lies before me and what i must achieve. I want to know, but sadly i cant, cause everything is up to me, i have to draw on the canvas on my own, i have to paint my own 'pretty picture'. And that scares me, down to my bones.

I want to love, and i want to be loved. I want to feel every little care and experience every little sweet moments of life. I wanna know how blissful feels like, and i want to know how great it is to love. I want to be wanted, they way i want everyone around me, i want to be cherished, as much as i cherish everyone around me, and i want to be respected they way i respect all those around me. Just same, nothing more, merely just the same. But that fears me too, i fear moving up to someone, just kills me knowing what is truly going through their minds. Yes, i care a damn, but i wanna care, cause i actually used to care. I feel like i've lost myself, or maybe i'm just restraining myself, or maybe i am just so feeling-less now!

I just dont know... all i know is that i fear.. fear everything that stands right in front of me, and everything that is yet to come to me, everything the future holds..

i am scared, but i have every bit of guts to face it all..

the last thing you should have in mind, is that i'm a coward!

When things can't be changed...

2010-06-08T18:27:00.002+08:00

Today marks a very important day in my life. It marked the end of a 3 year struggle and a start towards something more challenging and exciting. Also nerve-wrecking for some reason. But the most important thing of all is that it is a day to be shared with loved ones. My struggle was something really subjective, would never mean the same to anyone, neither will anyone have any idea how much effort, or how much was gained out of it. It was entirely up to me to define it. But i think i myself wont be able to write out a perfect definition to this 3 years that I've faced.

Today was a day filled with mixed emotions. I was given a fair share of every emotion at one go: happiness, sadness, frustration, regrets, heart-broken...

It was meant to be a day to be shared with everyone who has been with me through life, or maybe through this 3 years, but sadly, i shared it finally only with 2 people who mean the world to me: mum and dad. I miss those times, especially during my STPM results day, friends rushing, wanting to know how u did, even without perfect scores, u cherish every little bit of it, and u hear congratulations, the first word that comes out from every friend u have in ur circle. Its wonderful, with the minimum amount of jealousy and hatred, its honest and very innocent of us all.

But things have changed. In a mere 3 years i have realised that the way to the top is lonely. You can see many people with various backgrounds acting very differently to a particular situation. My dad always reminded me: In order to climb a mountain, it will take a lot of pain, a lot of courage, a lot of emotional restrain. Its important to keep your goal right in front of u, and never to break down due to external disturbance.

The man who climbed mount everest. So many injured, so many just fell off, many just died on the spot... but yet he continued, yes it may seem selfish as proabably he didn't stop to help, but its only due to that little struggle he managed to climb up to the top. Honestly, its not about being selfish. Its about having a goal. Yes, he climbed and he saw many failing through, but u must appreciate his effort, its like fighting through the odds, fighting through something that was virtually impossible.

The world is no longer a peaceful land. Everyone thinks of him/herself, and there is no one who is genuinely thinking about you, except for your beloved parents. For some reason, they may not be the type to show u love, but they have all the hope and dream and courage to fight through everything just to make sure you get and achieve the best.

Good is no longer appreciated. A friend in need is no longer a friend in deed. And Life is no longer as beautiful as it seems. Its not degrading, its just me being totally honest and totally genuine about the current situation. Yes, it is the fight of the century, and only the fittest wins. Though love is more valuable than money, money talks these days and some say money can even buy love. So moral of the story: Nothing is gained entirely, and every gain never stays for eternity. In order to gain you must be ready to loose, and in order to loose, you must be prepared for the worst circumstances. Its not being pessimistic, its just about watching your back. Once stabbed, it may heal, but consecutive stabbing may cause life, and life is ours entirely and not for some fool to come and take it from us.

No i am not pissed, i am frustrated cause we are living in a world where nothing is every appreciated, and everything is taken for granted.

Wake up people, i think its a time for change!

H.A.T.E.

2010-05-16T10:01:00.002+08:00

Quoted by a great guy : Anonymous :P

This world is filled with hate

Hate against life
Hate against your friends
Hate against your pet
Hate against the rain
Hate against a busdriver
Hate against your teacher
Hate against your parents
Hate against your brothers and sisters
Hate against a difficult game
Hate against your job
Hate against the way you live
Hate against your body
Hate against a withering flower
Hate against a not-working car
Hate against someone hurting you
Hate against a child that doesn't obey
Hate against the cloudy sky
Hate against God
Hate against the death

So much hate in everyone of us
We're filled with it

But only a little dropp of love
In this hate filled world
Could overcome every bit of hate~

Hate comes and goes in a split second,

But love, it lasts for eternity!

Choose to love ;)

when things end in a split second...

2010-05-14T01:18:00.003+08:00

I just finished packing all my final year project materials. Its a must that we submit every little raw material collected to the lab or to our supervisor, before we get his final signature to prove entirely, that the final year project is done. So the official end date is tomorrow. And with that, i am considered a graduate. As funny as that sounds, or as peculiar as i make it sound, i can't quite believe it that 3 years of hard work is finally over. This isn't so much a sigh of relieve, but more of a start to a more uncertain life, a more unplanned condition, just standing at the junction, not knowing what to do or where to start the "REAL" life!

But as i think about whats there, what is being shown right in front of my eyes, i realised that there is so much that i should think about then wondering about the future. Its best to surrender it to fate, let it show its way and some day or another, it will take us to: our destination, the place we're meant to be, the choices we're meant to make and the life we're meant to live. The irony about the human mind is that, in just a moment of time, in just a blink of an eye, we are already traveling through the thoughts, traveling through our past and present, trying to predict what the future will hold.

Looking at the past, 3 years have thought me so much, leaving me with a more patient, more independent outlook of how life should be. We stand only on our two feet, we hold ourselves up on our own and we fight through our own battles, whether we like it or not. As much as we're alone, the part where we learn and gain a knowledge or two, if from those surrounding us. I have always been the type to love my past. Regardless of how bitter and how painful the experience may have been, you'd be surprised to see how i always portray it with a smile on my face. I sometimes wished things would have been how it was, i sometimes hoped that things would get better and i'd sometimes pray for a more united, and better tomorrow.

However, nothing turned out as wanted, nothing turned out as planned. Thats life, very unpredictable. But have u realised, although what we want was never granted, what we got in return did teach us more than we expected. Its strange how a small issue of discussion, to a short conversation about the cutest guy on earth, could just make u realise what a true relationship with another being is all about. Relationships play a major role in our life. We can choose to ignore the way some people surrounding us are, and we can choose to really be affected by every little thing they do or say. I was once like that, trying to please every need of the people around me, trying to do my best to work things out so that we'd all move forward... but seriously, experience does show you great things and yes i did pay my price.

I think i was a rather easy going person. One can approach me anytime and just play and miggle with me when they needed company. And when they have their own share of fun, i may be dumped in the corner or totally forgotten, and could totally be ignored! I kinda got the hand of it, cause i knew all along, that this is life, and nothing we do can change what others do. I have always held to my principles, i only do what i think i should do, and my course of actions should not in anyway affect those surrounding me. I still hold to that today, and will hold it forever. But improvisation is important ;) if you know what i mean... :P

I wouldn't say that my ignorance or tolerance was used (well thats what some people kept telling me and drilling into my hear =.=) but i rather say that i chose to be that way, but i only wished i was less sensitive to the changes that occured. But oh well, life is short, and we meet so many people in just a blink of an eye, so all we have to do is cherish what we have, learn everything we can and keep our fingers crossed and hope, that the lesson learnt today will be helpful till the end...

But note that, regardless of how bad i may have made it sound, i have a handful of people whom i must say i love and care about, those who have made my course of living throughout this three years rather sweet and fulfilling! You know who you are, thanks a bunch ya! ;)

We are all human beings, we are not the same to everyone, and that always depends on the strength of our relationship and how motivated we are to sustain it. We are all subjected to our own opinions, our own prospects and course of actions, but at the end, every course of action will require some sort of thought. And during that course, we will realise whether our actions will affect the ones we care and love, ranging from family, friends and the society.

Besides that, i also learnt that hard work does pay off, if you put your heart and sole to the subject matter that is trying to be accomplished. With a good working brain and the endurance to face every little obstacle well, it will be possible for all of us to succeed. I told a friend once. Put urself in a position where u are surrounded by all the things u need to accomplish. Then think of the significance of you achieving all those dreams and goals. And you will be surprised to see how the flow goes, and finally you will achieve it all excellently. In my case, i think i should share. The drive that makes me work to my maximum level are my parents. Knowing that they are back home, working hard to provide me with the most condusive and efficient life, proves to me how bad they need us, their children to succeed. My mom, who calls me everyday, reminds me that, yes people have succeeded without education but very difficultly; success will come your way easily if u focus on your education and sacrifice. Sacrifice, is the one word she always tells me. I would complain, i dont have a social life. And she will say, social life is not time dependent, but your degree is. Dad, he's always inspiring. I remembered his last phone call, before viva: You have worked hard, the entire project was under your supervision. And yes the examiner may ask too many questions, but its all within your prospects. And even if u dont know, based on your presentation, he will have a clear picture in his mind, that you are capable of succeeding! Thanks mum and dad!

Its great when you have supportive people around you. I have a friend who always reminds me, that i am who i am, and if people really enjoyed and wanted my company, the last thing they would say or state during depressing and hard times, is change! No one is entitled to change the way you are, but if they truly enjoy your company and are being genuine in their relationship with you, then they will accept you the way you are, and never at anytime state any form of degrading statements.

Generally, in 3 years, i have learnt that the world is a mean place. The person who greets and smiles at you on the first day, could be the one who makes u feel really small and unsignificant on the next day. You might be surprised when i tell u this, that i am tearing as i write this statement, cause its so true, that at times i wished i never approached. I feel i have learnt to accept things they way they are, i have learnt to ignore and just act as if nothing really happened, and i know myself better now.

Some memories are sweet, some are excruciatingly painful and bitter,
But as times passes, its true time does heal a million things,
But memories and experiences never fade with time,
Whether or not we cross those similar paths again,
Everything was worth living for,
As Life is short and very eventful,
Its either your stay and experience all,
Or never choose to live at all!

Just a moment of truth, with laughters and smiles
Sharu~

i am me~

2010-05-01T10:13:00.003+08:00

So here i am, in this large library feeling so lazy. dazing around looking for something exciting to do, which i can't seem to find.. as its a library.. what will there be, except for books, and more books, and huge loads of BOOKS! ok.. i sound dramatic... but its true :'(

Then something pops up, and reminds me of this wonderful blog i have which has not been updated for decades:P ok.. just a few months. Then i realised i have another problem, yes 3 months of silence may seem so little to some, but honestly, for all that has been going on, for once i am having writers block, not cause i have nothing to say, but just cause i dunno where to start! HELP!

But the gist of it is that i have learnt too much, that i prefer just keeping it to myself.

The world is a mean place. For all you know, the person destroying every bit of ur happiness could be that charming character who smiles at you every mornings and wishes you with flowers, before u take that step to work. Everyone has a mask, hiding their true inner self, and exhibiting a rather attractive and entertaining character, for which i would have many times fell for, but not anymore!

Long were the days when good was rewarded. Nowadays, the more good you do, the more you have to watch your back! Trouble is coming ur way sunny boy! Stay alert! As the world is no longer a place with green trees, lovely chirping birds, sunny sky and blue oceans. The world is now surrounded by dark spirits, storms and hurricanes, just waiting to take every bit of life away! I know i am being dramatic again, but seriously, speaking from experience! :)

But that doesnt mean i have to change. I am who i am and i will do what i like. I think i am more me than anyone else. I am who i am from day one, and i have never changed. I think the same way, i have the same endurance, i know what i want to achieve and i am me! And i clearly see that the people around me bearly know me an inch! hahaha.. sorry i know am mean, but i felt like saying it :P

Oh well, i better get back to books! Love ya! :D

.:Story For The Soul:.

2010-01-18T20:48:00.004+08:00

When I got home one night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, "I've got something to tell you." She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. "I want a divorce..." I raised the topic calmly. She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, "why?" I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, "you are not a man!"

That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Dew. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage. This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request. I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions... She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully..

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time.. I realized she was not young anymore. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.But her much lighter weight made me sad.

On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step.... Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind... I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore.She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank, etc. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So we need to find time to be our spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy.

.:The Roller Coaster Ride of 2009:.

2010-01-02T12:23:00.009+08:00

2009 was a rather thrilling, challenging year for me. Times were bad, mistakes after mistakes, challenges after challenges, it makes me speechless sometimes. It was tough to go through everything on my own, but i must say, God does shine light on us in the most peculiar way.

2009 marked the most eventful year for my family. Health played the major role this year. It was tough handling the various diagnosis, surgeries, medications, treatments, emotional breakdown, but the irony was, we were all there, we stood hand in hand, to solve it. Bravo to us all. I must say the most important person, who faced the most was Dad. Mom's diagnosis shook his world, we were all so shocked and emotional at first, but then we realised that we had to stand by each other, regardless of what was happening. Mom, i must say u were very strong. Facing every bit without fail, pulling yourself through without complains, it was so touching. Love the inner spirit in you. If it was me, i think i would have given up a long time ago. Thanks for fighting it, you not only did it for yourself, you did it for us too. Yes, it was hard, but your strength pulled your through. This experience was definitely an eye opener, i realised how important family is as a unit. My aunts, uncles, cousins, they all worked together to help us through this tough period. Million thanks to them. Sometimes, we fail to show love, maybe cause we are not used to it, or maybe just cause we don't know how to show it. I realised, as time goes by and as things around us change, we change too. I've learnt how to show love. Its not so much the act of hugging or kissing our loved ones, its just talking out, making them realise what we actually feel inside, making them see how important they are in my life. That's what love is. It was just another grey, stormy day; but it made us realise the importance of endurance and good will to withstand through all the odds. and to fight towards experiencing a better, more sunny and enjoyable day.

During this roller coaster ride, i realised what life was all about. Difficulties and hardship, disappointments and unexpected circumstances, everything was challenging. Yes, i did ask "WHY ME?", i think all of us did, but the truth is, its just another agenda, another incident, that is going to teach us a million! A good friend always reminded me, during hardship and worries, never blame God for the torture, unhappiness and emotional situation you;re facing. Cause, he is only trying to release the best out of you, he wants you to grow into a better being. I like this line:

"At the end of the day, if there was indeed some Body or presence standing there to judge me, I hope i would be judged on whether I have lived a true life, not on whether i believed in a certain book, or whether I've been baptized." Lance Armstrong

We are all the children of God. We think that life is entirely in our hands. Yes in some ways, No in others. We are but a hollow bamboo, in which God plays his flute~ Yes we have choices, but we also have a written destiny. The choices are ours entirely, we are given choices towards our goals and aspirations, but what must be remembered, is down every road, there is a destiny, pre-written for us, just waiting to see, what other choices we might make. That's why God is understanding, He lets us make mistakes, He lets us fall once in a while, but he also gives us a chance to change, an opportunity to dust off and start over. That's life. The essence towards a more fulfilling life, s simply just believing. Believe in yourself, believe in your efforts, believe in others who play a part in your life.

"We do it everyday, I realized. We are so much stronger than we imagine, and believe is one of the most valiant and long-lived human characteristics." Lance Armstrong

Yes, as you can see, i quoted this guy twice. My new companion, my new friend is this 294-pages book, that plays a lot with my emotions. My rather lonely days are now filled with this great story about life, about Lance Armstrong. I'd recommend it to all. It seems like i got my foot back into reading. It pulls me away from my sorrows, unhappiness and dissatisfaction sometimes. But my hectic schedule tends to delay my efforts in finishing the book though.

Note to all: Yes, its about a guy who suffered cancer, and yes he was said to have a flip of a coin chances of survival, and yes he survived. He gives a great review about striving hard, and never giving up. [Book title: Lance Armstrong: Its not about the bike-My journey back to life]

I've decided to take everything that happened in 2009 as a blessing in disguise. That's what my mother told me before i left back for university. She said, as life goes by, we can start deciding, what will stay and what will go. Those that come into our lives, may seem too new to be accepted and comprehended, but we must always remember to give everything a chance. Nothing is permanent in life, and changes are a must, in order for us to be strong. Similarly, those that leave us, there must be a reason behind it. What is left, will be missed, but a true human being would not brood over the loss, instead make the best of it, by cherishing every moment. We're subject to the eyes of the world. A thief is a thief, a bad person in the eyes of humans, but to God he may just be a tool, to make us realize, the importance of safety. Eveything exists for a reason, everything happens for a reason.

2009 has left, and 2010 has arrived, may it be a better year for us all.

God Bless all!

Sharu~

.:The signs of Life:.

2009-11-27T09:05:00.002+08:00

While walking up a steep mountain, she realized, that life is but a struggle. The amount of energy and work you put in just to reach the top shows many important traits in a person: perseverance, determination, hard work, courage and strength. The main aim: To reach the top, To be able to see what has yet to be seen, and To be able to hold victory in our hands. That's my goal, that's our goal~

But during that struggle, one fails to realize the outcome, the resulting effect, the after story; Going up that mountain will bring you happiness that was never there at the bottom. Going up the mountain will show you a beautiful ever after story, that'd you'd want to see and cherish for the rest of your life.

When you reach the top, thats when the eager feeling in you starts taking over. You look to the right, and also to the left, hoping to see that "Big" gift, the gift you struggled for. Yes, most of the time, you'll be delighted, but sometimes, it may just seem like there is nothing. Nothing to be looked at, nothing to be remembered, just another ordinary scenery. You might even think, the struggle wasn't even worth it.

In life we may not always get what we want,
We may not always get what we need,
But we get what we deserve,
Cause God, in some way or another,
Gives us only the best~

.:By J:.

But sometimes, when you feel like you've not got what u deserve, or what you actually want, it may seem like the end of the world. You might want to give up. The worry of not being to achieve kills you, breaking down every little self-esteem embedded in you. You might feel like packing your bags and leaving, or even just trying another route/road not taken in life. Sorrow fills the air, something you'd wish never happened. But we fail to realise, what we have today, and what we experience today, regardless of how fruitful it is, it may contribute in some way or another in the future~

Life is only travelled once,
Todays moment becomes tomorrows memory,
Enjoy every moment, whether good or bad,
Cause the gift of life is "Life" itself~

.:By D:.

No man can live in a lonely island. No man can survive on his own. This is when relations come in handy. Whether he's your friend, you family, your lover, a third party, or a total stranger, all human beings link in some way or another. In life, you come across many different beings, some being over the top, some bearly realise their ability. Some fly high in the sky, whereas some choose to take a stroll down the park. Some prefer black, some just love the pure white. Regardless of what people choose or how they are, they're people, and someday in our lives we will have to associate ourselves with them. Some relations make you glad, some make you cry. Either way, their relations, some what related to you, whether you like it or not.

Never cry for any relation in life,
Cause the person you cry for,
Does not deserve your tears,
And the one who deserves,
Never makes you cry~

.:By D:.

But...

100 words does not give pain,
But a true friend's silence,
Makes more tears in heart.

.:By J:.

So whats the verdict?

When you truly care for someone,
You dont look for faults;
You dont look for mistakes;
Instead you fight the mistakes,
You accept the faults,
And you overlook the excuses.
Thats Life!

.:By D:.

.:~The irony of Life~:.

2009-11-22T23:23:00.000+08:00

A gloomy day, marks an end of a rather eventful and challenging season. Its time to clear things out, to make things in order, to prepare for another new season, hopefully, its a brighter and more cheerful day.

People say a thousand things, sometimes language is a barrier, sometimes its the expression when things are said that we never seem to understand, sometimes, its just the way we comprehend things, always only sticking to our believes and never opening up. This difference is what brings to the other elements of life, happiness, friendship, love, conflict, heart ship, hatred, and so on. God is great! He created us to have an opinion, to have likes and dislikes, to like and hate, and finally, the rest just falls in place. We say we like, and the other may say otherwise, and at the end, a conflict arises. Ironic huh?

Many of us are victims of situations. We never mean anything, but its taken the other way. Its like being accused for a crime that you never commited. This brought me to the thought: Have you ever imagined how many innocent people are actually paying the price to a crime they never commited? They got "trapped" between the walls of laws and justice, but nothing was on their side. Sad, but that's life. Nothing is fair, nothing is forever ours, Nothing is permanent.

As human beings, we're always played by situations and incidents. When we see something nice and inviting, we tend to forget ourselves, excitement takes over, and you bearly have control over anything. You'd just surrender to the moment, and wish it wont end. But then again, nothing lasts for eternity~ Then when the dark clouds dominate the sky, we realise, that the end is here. We run for our lives, we chase after the light, hoping to just blend in with it and never to see darkness again. But eventually, we loose, and we've to prepare to face the worst. Some cry, some whine, some throw tantrums, some just stay silent. That's when we say grace, we hope that someone or something will come and take us away from this dreadful experience. That's when we realise, that life is never the expected. Its the unexpected that makes life what it truly is.

Many things are unexpected. Many things are worth a thousand explanations, but sadly no one is here to listen. Everyone is just so busy with their part of life, that there is no one willing enough to hear your cries and whines. Thats life. You can never entirely blame them for not taking any form of care towards you, cause regardless of how much u do for the world today, no one will appreciate it, you're only approached when needed, then left alone when you're not.

But we must always take a moment to think, and show minimum appreciation as possible, to those who actually care, those who actually help us and guide us, cause these people, whether good or bad, whether rich or poor, they are your well-wishers. They may not be with you always, they may not even talk to you daily, you may not even see them, but they're there, hoping and wishing for your success. Those are simple human beings too, and all they wish for is a simple smile on your face. I know a few people who are like that, they make life blissful.

Many things may have happened, Many incidents may have broken hearts, Many occurence may have brought bitterness, But someday, this will all be remembered in life, and then someday we will miss the sweetness. When that day comes, never hesitate to approach, cause you'll be surprised to see, what a great relationship you were about to loose......

*~*~*

“Sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up and biting us in the ass. And when the dam bursts, all you can do is swim. The world of pretend is a cage, not a cocoon. We can only lie to ourselves for so long. We are tired, we are scared, denying it doesn't change the truth. Sooner or later we have to put aside our denial and face the world. Head on, guns blazing. De Nile. It's not just a river in Egypt, it's a freakin' ocean. So how do you keep from drowning in it?”

*~*~*

“Maybe we're not supposed to be happy. Maybe gratitude has nothing to do with joy. Maybe being grateful means recognizing what you have for what it is. Appreciating small victories. Admiring the struggle it takes simply to be human. Maybe we're thankful for the familiar things we know. And maybe we're thankful for the things we'll never know. At the end of the day, the fact that we have the courage to still be standing is reason enough to celebrate.”

*~*~*

“Communication. It's the first thing we really learn in life. Funny thing is, once we grow up, learn our words and really start talking, the harder it becomes to know what to say. Or how to ask for what we really need.”

Spilling my guts~

2009-11-20T08:41:00.003+08:00

So here i am, back to where i was before a two week exam that basically brought my self-esteem down, and tortured me with no sleep! huhuhu...:( But now, its time to kick the books out of the window(i respect my books, and i wouldnt do that really) and its time to party. The only catch is that, my party starts in this room, its a huge room, with large, long desks. You come in, and all you'll see is glassware and scientific apparatus! Yes, its Lab 318! The place i spent most of my time this season(referring to this semester):P and now, i'm at the climax, the top of the roller coaster, hoping to finish this rather interesting and unique journey, called the "Final Year Project"!

Besides that, I have nothing much installed for this month. Its supposed to be our semester break, but since we're all "Final Year Students" and we have our so famous "Final Year Project", we're all stuck here in uni! I know, uni isn't a bad place afterall, especially when you're talking about freedom to wonder around penang, which i have yet to do although i've been here for more than 2 years :P But its never too late to start no? :P I'm hoping to have a project-filled as well as a fun-filled holiday, although my dooms day will come in 3-4 weeks time, yes its the results... haih. Its so ironic, how you can think of fun and happiness at one point, then totally get gloomy and worried the next! Ok, i have decided not to be too philosophical since many are so against it:P which i know is due to pure jealousy! muahahaha.. ok.. yea.. shoot me, i need a break!

So many people 'balik kampung' today! My kampung is coming to me:P hahaha.. that sounded weird, but my folks are coming today! woohoo! Its time for some loving and cheerful time, since i miss them lotz! i mean loadz! wait, which is more? lots or loadz?

So have a great week everyone!

Lots of Love,
MuNnA

.:The cries of a victim:.

2009-11-10T22:01:00.000+08:00

As I sit here thinking about the events that have taken place in my life recently, I only seem to shed tears, It starts of so beautiful and exciting, and then it reaches a stage where I stand numb, wishing if I had another path, another route, the path not taken. Then I jump back to reality, realizing that even if there was a “road not taken”; I can never change what has already happened. Thunder storms, sadness and disappointments then surround the issue or event. Then I realize, and tell myself, that marks the end.

It is so ironic, when something nice and beautiful, something like a brightly lighted hall with coloured fluorescent lights, or maybe the morning shine, blazing through your room window, can just change, become dark and so uninviting in just a split second, or maybe in an hour, a day, or even a few years. It’s as if you’ve planned to spend the night out in the gardens, you put your tent on, prepare a wonderful picnic, watch the stars shine bright with the moon smiling at you; and then all of a sudden, a storm hits and destroys the situation, including the person’s happiness. Its sad, disappointing and very heart breaking, but thats life no? What is life without disappointments and failures, what is life without hardship and sadness?

In a period of 6 months or so, I have learnt so many things. It involves a wide range of attributes; but very challenging ones: trust, betrayals, heart-break, discrimination and insults.

Loneliness surrounds me nowadays. It’s a very gloomy and discomforting condition. Life alone is hard, especially when its new to you, and you’ve always been surrounded by loving and caring people who constantly provide attention and support to you. Its painful, when no one cares about your whereabouts, your upcoming agendas, your struggles, your pain, why, even little things matter; like if you’ve had your meal or if you’re healing from an intense condition. I learnt it the hard way, cold shoulders and staring eyes with no words, just stares, that make you think of a thousand and one reasons, but never get an exact answer. I learnt it the hard way, but I’m surviving. Surviving through this hard period, wishing for my silver lining to appear. Call me traditional, or even childish for the matter, but this is me, I expect nothing, not gifts, money or gold; I wish for a simple “Hi. How are you?”or just an “All the best”. I’ve learnt to ignore not being acknowledged, or even smiled at, but it hurts when all I seek for is closure.

Deep inside me, it kills to know what others have in mind. Cause I think all that has happened was a misunderstanding, or a misperception of situations and incidents. From the bottom of my heart, I never meant any harm. I never failed to pray for good, to pray for happiness of the people around me, to pray for their success. I shared everything, from the slightest understanding in a particular subject to the newest discovery on the internet. Everything I did open heartedly, but it stabs me hard to not know why I am no longer associated with.

But I know, this situation brings happiness to the other end, and I am aware, a lost place will never return, and yes, I will never stop crying, but someday we’ll learn a great lesson from this, and maybe then, I wont be a victim of situation and be accused for it again~

.:Quotes:.

2009-10-03T22:53:00.003+08:00

Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence.

Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent.

Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb.

Education will not the world is full of educated derelicts.

Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent.

The slogan, 'Press on,' has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.

Calvin Coolidge

It is well to give when asked, but it is better to give unasked, through understanding.

Kahlil Gibran

Friends are an aid to the young,

to guard them from error;

to the elderly,

to attend to their wants and to supplement their failing power of action;

to those in the prime of life,

to assist them to noble deeds.

Aristotle

There are two ways to create happiness.

The first is external. By obtaining better shelter, better clothes, and better friends, we can find a certain measure of happiness and satisfaction.

The second is through mental development, which yields inner happiness.

Dalai Lama

The best thing to give to your enemy is forgiveness; t

o an opponent, tolerance;

to a friend, your heart;

to your child, a good example;

to a father, deference;

to your mother, conduct that will make her proud of you;

to yourself, respect;

to all men, charity.

Arthur James Balfour

To fall in love is easy,

even to remain in it is not difficult;

our human loneliness is cause enough.

But it is a hard quest worth making to find a comrade

through whose steady presence one becomes steadily

the person one desires to be.

Anna Louise Strong

People become really quite remarkable

when they start thinking that they can do things.

When they believe in themselves

they have the first secret of success.

Norman Vincent Peale

Failure~

2009-09-06T17:19:00.004+08:00

Here i am sitting in this rather messy lab, figuring out how i should complete the final year project. Mistakes, and failures, just come in and out, disrupting every little dream and aspiration i have to complete this project, the "decider" of my degree!

One sample after the other, i check and manipulate, hoping to achieve a desired result. But, somewhere along the way, a problem arises, pulling me back to the start line, forcing me to repeat the race towards the finish. I have been pulled back for 3 times, now I'm moving onto my fourth. The stamina as usual decreases with time, as anxiety and tiredness sets in, sucking up all the little energy that is left in this body of mine.

Losing a sample, or losing a data in this research analysis, proves to me, how much we humans strive for a life without a loss. The fear of losing or failing, is huge, making us cowards to even take risks. The irony is that, life only evolves with a loss or failure. The change only sets in when something is deviated from the normal, stable state.

Now i come to life. Being a kid, losing an eraser, or lunch box, or even your pencil, puts a grumpy and unfriendly, stern look on the face, demanding for fairness, demanding for it to be returned. Why? Because at home, stands two "villains" who would never forgive and will entirely blame the situation on you. Yes, there's mummy and daddy, the "villains" that never mean harm, and always shed love on us! And the marks on out butts, or the little red patches on our hands and legs are just another, unfavorable approach to showing love.

Next, as you grow, you lose more. This covers various aspects, studies, friends, family. I struggled with keeping up my grades. Its as if, if you score lower, you're the loser; and me being a total mediocre student, i was always the moderate scoring one, neither on top, nor too low at the bottom. It was hard for me, as my parents always had high hopes on me. I scraped through my major exams, but trust me, i'm still as mediocre as i was last time.

Friends, another important element in our lives. I can remember my kindergarden friends, even right up to those i only met yesterday. Some are still in contact with me, some are not. Some are near, some just a few steps away, some can't even be identified his/her location. Some are close, and some have grown further apart. Either way, we have all learnt a thing or two from our friends, because memories of good times, and the moral behind every negative incident still remains in our hearts. Everything happens for a reason, but no reason explains the true and absolute meaning of friendship. Cherish them while their with you, and reminiscent after~ People walk in and out of our lives, but friends always leave footsteps. I remember a poem that actually made me shed a tear or two:

My Friend

My Friend when I think of you.
I think of all that we've been through.
All the times we argue and fight,
I know deep inside that it isn't right.
I, then feel bad and alot of pain.
It feels like I've fallen from the sky like the rain.
I love you dear friend with all of my heart.
But now that you're gone I've fallen apart.
I'm getting better as the days go by.
I wish sometimes this was all a big lie.
I pray to you every night.
It's like you're my fire, a burning light.
My dear friend, I miss you alot.
I still wonder why you were put in that spot.
I know you're in a place much better than here.
Watching and helping me with all of my fear.
Our friendship my dear friend,
we will have to the end.
Friends til the end is what we will be.
Someday we'll be together,
together you and me.

ps: Can't quite remember the link though~ sorry :(

Then there is family. Expectations are the core. Every parent has a dream for his/her child. And as children we play an important role, in making our best towards achieving their dreams. I know, some say "its our life, we should choose and do what we like", but the truth is that we owe this life to the two souls who brought us here. It was their choice and decision to give us a chance to live, and right up to the end, we owe them something that cannot be repayed for eternity, and that is LIFE. They gave us everything that allows us to breathe, feel, touch, see and smell today. Okay, i know am being too over the top, but the truth is that how much i owe them. The ability to live life itself, its a gift from them, and no matter what happens, deep down, whether in pain, sorrow or absolute happiness, i know i will cherish this gift, the gift of life. Ok, now back to our topic. We know the cycle of life, it has a start and an end. We're all aware of this fact, but we're never strong enough to accept it, especially when it involves our loved ones. Some people experience this in their early childhood, some when they're grown adults, either way, we still cry and wish it never happened. Well, its the DOGMA of life.... something we must always surrender to.

"Never take a person for granted, hold everyone close to your heart cause you may wake up one day and realise that you've lost a diamond while you were too busy collecting stones."

MuNnA~

The Battle of Life~

2009-08-26T00:09:00.000+08:00

I am nor writer or book publisher, but being a young adult and seeing the people around me, I have gained a thing or two about the game of “Life”.

As a new born baby, the struggle was communication. I think there were many times when my mum misinterpreted what I wanted. I cried for milk, and she thought I wanted to sleep. But the irony is that, as time when by, she understood me better, and I became much happier. Note: I am the first child, so she’s entitled to her mistakes :P Thanks mummy!

Then we step into kindergarten. We come across so many other children, about our age and size, who just love running around crazily. The games we played… I think hide and seek was out favourite. Just running would make our day. I remembered my kindergarten, it was Tadika Rasa Sayang. And that was where I learnt the traditional Kadazan dance. The struggle at this age, was convincing parents to get the things we love. It’s a tough battle, trust me, but once u get it, you’ll never deny, your parents are the best!

Then there was primary school. It was easy making friends in the kindergarten, cause the teachers made us carry out activities as groups and that made us closer. But primary school was tough. The battle was: getting good friends and being in the “popular” group. Yes, in every class, there will be this group, regardless of what they do, good or bad, they’re always looked up to. And yes, they choose their members, making it hard to penetrate into! If you’re in you’re cool, and if not, its just too bad! LOSER! I faced this, and I think many of us did. One day we’re friends, the next day we’re not. Why? Cause she stole my eraser!

Then we start growing, into more “mature” beings. Apparently, once we step into secondary school, we’re “BIG” girls and boys! I was supposed to be the “Big” sister, which I hated for some reason, cause my brother made me go into the boy’s toilet! Long story, I will load the details later! Anyway, the battle was proving a point. I think it was difficult to make a statement, or to gain one’s trust and belief. Yes, you feel all mature, you analyze your responsibilities and tasks well, but people around you still tend to doubt your ability. It’s proving to them that took the most time. Yes, adults will forever think they’re the best, but I think its children in this age that come up with great ideas~ :P

Then, we become young adults. Some choose to study (get into university, obtain degrees/masters) whereas some start working. Either way, both category starts facing life like any other ordinary adult, dealing with finance, setting our goals and aspirations, having commitments, and this is when we take lots of risks, in order to achieve our goals. Risks in this context, refers to those that might eventually contribute to our future, that includes starting a business and applying for loans. At this point of time, I realized that, as a young adult, we think far more than what our parents or friends have in mind. Everything seems to impact us, in come way or another. The struggle in this age is being absolutely grateful and happy with what we have. Its hard to strike this, cause we tend to want the best and we only do the best. It must be beneficial, yet it shouldn’t cost much, whether it involves effort or money, or even time. Nothing is enough!

Then I see adulthood in the eyes of the people around me. I recall my parents first. It reminds me of the little incidents that made them worried as parents and as adults. Financial was an issue. Money seems to be everything in this modern world, and it’s clear that with money, people tend to be happier. Then there is the health issue. Regardless of how cautious or healthy their lifestyle is, something just tends to set in, and most of the time it’s due to their age and stress. Basically, the struggle here, is to live a fulfilled life, providing the best needs for children and loved ones. Then eventually, when their children grow up, the struggle is letting them go, allowing them to spread their wings and stand entirely on their own two feet. Its saddening, but it’s the norm of life, the cycle, in which every parent would want their children to complete.

So basically, at the end of the day, we struggle to keep ourselves alive in some way or another. Whether it be health problems, financial problems or even social issues, we all strive to make it okay, make it heal with time, so that we’d live a happier life. We are all dependent on one another, so when deciding on a solution, it must be in our best interest, as well as the interest of our loved ones. Life is a struggle, yes, but through that struggle we learn the true meaning of happiness, love, care, affection, responsibilities and togetherness. Only in pain we remember the ones who care for us, only in hardship we remember loved ones with hands spread wide open. Only in the struggle of life, we remember how human we can be, minus money, minus greed, minus selfishness!

Simple Philosophies of Life~

2009-08-17T20:23:00.004+08:00

Its a lonely night, alone by the window, just listening to the sounds surrounding me. The orbital rotation of the fan at a speed of 5, motorcycles passing through the roads, and doors slamming here and there. Besides that, there is nothing much. Its somewhat like any other ordinary night, but its nonetheless a night to remember.

As random as some people are, i find myself random at thoughts and ideas. I think randomly, sometimes it has no relation at all to my current state of affairs, but yet its a thought, something that tests my mind, and then relates to my emotions and self well-being.

Are we following His story, and His narration...
OR
Are we just creating our own story with him as a Judge?

A friend sent me a beautiful poem today, inspiring? Yea a little, but it was more of an eye opener. The logical and rational reasons as to why we live life like this.

I asked God to give me happiness.
God said, "No. I give you blessings, happiness is up to you."

I asked God to spare me pain.
God said, "No. Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to me."

I asked God to make my spirit grow.
God said, "No. You must grow on your own, but I will prune you to make you fruitful."

I asked for all things that I might enjoy life.
God said, "No. I will give you life so that you may enjoy all things."

I asked God to help me love others, as much as God loves me.
God said... "Ahhhh, finally you have the idea!"

Someone accurately said that maturity in prayer occurs when we are able to move from the plea,
"Give me..." to the deeper prayer, "Use me."

Life is short! Lets live!

Rest In Peace~

2009-07-26T12:16:00.006+08:00

*Tragedy after tragedy, loss after loss. The cycle of life is testing upon us all. Death has become more universal than life, everyone dies, very few live. Death is a debt we must pay, Death is a law we must follow.

*A dedication to all those wonderful souls that have left us recently. May they all rest in peace~

A brief candle; both ends burning
An endless mile; a bus wheel turning
A friend to share the lonesome times
A handshake and a sip of wine
So say it loud and let it ring
We are all a part of everything
The future, present and the past
Fly on proud bird
You're free at last.

by Charlie Daniels~

"I've balanced all. Brought all to mind. The years to come seem a waste of breath. A waste of breath the years behind. In balance with this life, this death."
YB Yates (Irish poet)

Drowning...

2009-07-11T09:40:00.002+08:00

There is this urge and need to talk, to spill every little issue that is happening to me, to share my experience and pain with someone, and to gain advice and courage against this difficult challenge, the challenge of life. But as time goes, i realised that, i have no one to go to, no one to listen to my story, and no one to guide me through out this journey. Its an irony how things change in a split second, its funny how thoughts turn into criticisms, and its painful when fulfilled life falls to a lonely state.

I am lost now. I'm walking in a path with no signs, just lots of obstacles, shrubs, huge trees, wet soil, glaring sun... all alone. I turn to my left thinking that i'll find water to wash away my thirst, i look to the right, hoping to find a guide towards my dreamed destination, I try looking high up above, but the shine of the sun doesn't permit, and at the bottom of my feet, i see only ants, and insects, playing their role in life.

Never have i felt this lonely before. Never have i ever thought that I'd come to this situation. Never did i ever want to be like this. But this is it. A path with uncertainty. There i stand, wishing for a miracle, for a helping hand, and a voice that would console me. But i have found nothing... NOTHING!

Tears role down my face every day and night, hoping and praying for a better tomorrow. I am losing signs and guides that used to be there for me at one time. I did all that i could to cherish every one of them, but yet i am failing. Every step they take away from me, reminds me of the loneliness that is coming closer towards me. I scream out loud, "Don't move away!", but nobody listens. I hold their hands and pull them towards me, but they just slip away.... slip away and never come back.

My lost is huge. More that anyone can imagine. I lost hope, that once drove me to my current state; I lost courage, that showed me the essence of life; I lost endurance, that made me strong as how i seem; I lost my friends, whom once was there holding my back; I lost everything, that made me human.

I am drowning!

What should i do? Who will be there for me? Is this only a battle for me?

Just questions, without answers...

2009-06-25T23:29:00.001+08:00

Just Dance - Lady Gaga Ft. Colby O Donis
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Nothing remains permanent in life...

2009-06-25T22:12:00.002+08:00

" We are but a hollow bamboo, in which God plays his flute"

"Nothing is permanent in life, it may come to you at one point, and it may be ripped off from you at another"

"You can please the world, You can act in front of everyone, but remember, the final verdict is God, He who sees the TRUE you!"

"You can please a million friends, You can please your family, but only a person who pleases himself entirely is a true human being"

"Many people claim to care for you, many try to give you comfort, but the undying truth is that, everyone is with you for a reason, and mostly for their own benefits"

"Mistakes are the results of trying, experimenting life, done by Humans with Guts! Cowards fail to try, and have no point of living"

"Even the thief and murderer has a story written by God. So if anyone has the right to judge, it would be him, and no one else!"

"You can have a thousand and one fear, but you should never fear falling, as that is the stepping stone towards success!"

"Every second of our lives, represents one loss and a gain. Think hard and cherish every moment, cause some instances never repeats~"

"Ten people say Good about you, Ten people say the Bad, But only 2 people in this world say the truth, and thats Mom and Dad."

"You may be rich, You may be poor, either way live happily, cause happiness is an emotion that is priceless"

The battle of life~

2009-05-30T22:21:00.002+08:00

*Regardless of the number of people we think are standing behind us, we're always alone. We were born alone at a particular time, we all come out from our mother's womb alone at a particular time; we breathe alone, every inhalation and exhalation is done alone. The start of life is accomplished alone. I think in this context, it might mean as if i am ignoring the love, support, care and guidance that our parents and loved ones have given us. But please, don't get me wrong, what i am trying to say is that, we strive for a living alone, regardless of how much support and love we get, the choice of continuing life, the choice of living our dreams, everything lies in our hands. You have to do whats best for you, you have to strive for your dreams, and all of it contributes to your happiness!

*Yes i am a young adult. Yes, i am no longer a kid, nor am i a teenager. A kid would mean a child, just picking up traits and norms, learning a little day by day, understanding from time to time, what is life, whats wrong and whats right. Then there is the teen days, the time when we test the norms and practices, trying out what was taught to be wrong, and ignoring the right, being rebellious as apparently it is "fun". And yes, there is the young adult, the phase where u get things straight and start planning life, a certain seriousness takes place, dreams are planned out such that it turns to reality.

*I am experiencing a rather unique and challenging phase of life. I am understanding my abilities and my weaknesses, trying to make the best of life.. but.. i realised... its never easy to please the world...

~ I worry, i care for all those people i call my loved ones. This includes my family, my friends, and all those i love. Care and worry in this context refers to every little incident that occurs to this group of people, every little joy and sadness affects me in some way or another. When i say i care, i do... but not everyone understands it.. When i ask whats happening, its cause i want to know and genuinely help, and not to nose around in your problems.

~ Whatever i do, it always back fires. Its so normal to me that i just move on. Every little step i take, i think and analyze, sadly it never falls the way i want it to. And i must say, when i consider an act, i do it thoroughly, but am sorry, i dont have the power to make it a reality, cause i am just another young adult, and not God. And let me tell you, even if u expected something to happen and it happened the way u imagined it to be, its just another message or guidance from God, to just keep you away from danger! You're no greater than any other human being on earth.

~ No one has the right to judge me. Yes i am an open book, i accept any one of any shape, colour and sizes, cause to me, everyone regardless of their origins and past, is special in their own way, and yes you can always learn something from them too. So stop it! If you think you're great, then by all means, try to play God, but please dont you dare mess with my life! I regret knowing those who judge me, for no one truly understands me!

~ I am tired of playing the good role. Cause i realised, no one in this entire world has the ability to comprehent life. All you do is think of yourself! Trust me, karma plays in many ways! Dont fly over your glory, you dont know who might shoot you down! I am helpful and i do this because i enjoy sharing, but i must say you just dont appreciate it, and i am sorry for you!

~ I am standing alone at a junction, a junction with so many roads to follow. You may think i am taking the wrong road, but trust me, for a person who has thought about my condition once, you have no right to say i am wrong, for i have considered every road at least ten times more than you have.Yes i agree, i always accept guidance and views, but please.. i do whats best for me and my loved ones, and no one has the right to judge!

~ Lastly, i'd like to say: I am honoured to have everyone around me, but i realised, i have only a few who are genuine enough to help me with my burden. And for those who have helped me, i thank you, cause you've not judged me neither have you condemned me, but you've just given me another shot, another shot towards believing that life although it tears you apart at times, there is always a silver lining... :)

This is my special note to young adults, mistakes happen for a reason, so does challenges. Survive is the word! Dont rush for the future, and dont brood for the past, Live life for now! Live for you! Cause out of the thousands that surround you, yes, there are tonnes of them who bearly know or understand you, but you must remember, although the battle of life is faced alone, there might be 5 or ten people who are just wishing to see u smile~

Lots of love,

Surviving Young Adult~

"Colours"

2009-04-16T13:17:00.003+08:00

So here i am sitting by books, waiting for something called freedom, which apparently will only come to me in 2 weeks.. a bummer? totally. But the essence of this period has thought me lots about colours. Yes i am talking about colours, ie red, blue, pink, yellow, green.... etc.. but i am speaking of colours in a very very unique point of view.

I personally think colours potray the diversity of life, life in this context refers to the elements, surrounding us, as well as elements that are embedded deep in our souls. And surprising or not, these colours sometimes really shows or exhibits its wonders based on our moods. Interesting? Totally.. but bear in mind that the colour that means wealth for me, might mean danger for you, making the colour that exhibits a particular element of life be totally subjective to ones eyes and soul~

Lets see...

I am thinking of Red. I look at red as power, tension, rage and anger(as what most of us presume). Its alerting, like a warning to our eyes, as to how powerful something can affect us. It blends in tension, jealousy, uncomfort, and lots of cenfidence challenging elements, that keeps us alert, but at high extends could lead to panic! Now, based on my current situation: I look at the test paper, and everything is red! Challenging enough that out of all the notes the lecturer gave us in class, he made a total question of 20 marks just from 8 slides. Pathetic? well, more like challenging, and what goes on ur mind? I wished i read that 8 slides more than the other hundreds! Tension and intensifying! Hows that?

Now, Blue. Blue i regard as the colour of my writing in paper. Yes, for the past two final papers, i have been using a blue pen. It makes me think harder, more bright, makes the sheet look neat regardless of my awful writing that just deteriorates in beauty :P as time goes.. hahaha.. But its true, it has been shown that blue pen, doesnt make points distinct, and actually makes the examiner happier, cause it looks less messier and easier to handle. Besides that, blue may make you calm, look up above the sky, or look at a wide ocean, it brings bliss even for a split second! :D

Next, Black. In this context, i'd like to split into 2 shades, a lighter shade of black( some what greyish) and pitch black. Pitch black totally goes for the negative energy within my soul. The bad habits and the terrible thoughts that run my mind. Example: My "encouraging"habit of biting my nails when tensed! I had them long last week, and now, its bearly visible when you look at my palm! Terrible or tasty? Neither, just a way to get rid of the butterflies in my stomach! Now the grey~ Its a very close colour to me. Something i feel and see deep in me most of the time. It is the colour of being lonely and lack of confidence, making you question existence, a serious yet fragile state, but very private. I face this colour almost everyday, but the truth to be said, is that it can be so bad and hurting, but yet it teaches me the importance of hoping for the best. Its the feeling that makes you wonder the values of life and your surroundings. Full of purity, very intimate, very personal, its a colour that stands on its own in my soul.

Then there is Purple. I regard this colour equivalent to fun, and excitement! It reminds me of great memories with family and friends, that brings out smiles or random laughters. Purple is a colour, whether found intensed or in light tones, are always approved and accepted by anyone, unless if you have a "thing" against purple. To me, its a cheerful colour. For example, current state of hearing a joke while studying, also triggers the "purple colour" in me ;).

The head of purity, white. A colour that reminds me of hope, believes, dreams and aspirations. Its a colour that potrays the little things we scribble in our lives today and make as targets for a better tomorrow. Simple, exams here, we try our best and study. Then, we pray, hoping that God will show us some light and make us succeed in everything we do. Shows clearly the need as well as the effort in achieving everything we ever wished for.

Green = Harmony. Harmony in this context refers to the harmonious relationship we build with those around us.This too, i split into 2, light green as well as dark green. Light green potraying a young relationship, just building, involving lots of challenges in establishing. Would include good elements such as unity, togetherness, love and care; as well as the negative aspects such as misundertandings, lack of faith and trust. If this relationship surpasses this stage, then it goes into dark green stage, the stage where regardless of what happens, the continuity and the strength of relationships never shakes. This is usually with family and extremely close friends and associates.

hmm...i find this really interesting, and as seen above are the colours that i feel right this instant. I might add more as time goes :P

anywayz, better get back to what i was doing... have a great day! cheerz

ps: If you are reading this post, i'd like your comment on this. I'd like to know how similar these colours mean to you :D

cheerz

Eyes wide open~

2009-03-08T21:17:00.002+08:00

"There is this huge load in me, a load i wish to share with so many,yet i feel none is capable of understanding it,cause no one is there to hold my back..."

What can you gain from that?

1)There is a huge sadness in this person, heart felt sorrow and pain, that seems large compared to the spatial extent of his/her heart.

2)There is this wish in her, to show and tell the people around his/her what he/she is facing deep in his/her, but he/she's skeptical,thinking twice, probably cause he/she can't trust anyone.

3)Understanding. He/She uses this word to express the root of the problem. He/She questions the commitment people have over his/her life, the commitment and trust people have on every relationship related to his/her.

4)Finally, he/she concludes that there isn't one genuine being that is available, not even one to fight for her or to check if he/she is ok. This is when you deeply realise, who stands closest to you and who doesn't.

One wise man once told me, no one is a permanent friend, neither is a person a permanent enemy. Question: Then what is everyone around us? Temporary assets that claim to be valuable only for a certain duration of time. Sad, painful but true! Truth always hurts!

You know, life can be so unfair at times. We follow the laws: from the law of gravity to the law of attraction, from public laws to the laws of religion... everything is followed, but yet, you get caught for an act, that ur entirely not responsible for. How so? Another question with infinite answers!

Generally, there is this law, the Law of Nature, Nature in this context absolutely referring to the law "we" humans prefer following, the law that relies entirely on the words we blurt out! Sad? No! Hurting? No! Just entirely "unique".

This law apparently kills every bit of trust, every bit of belief we build towards someone or something. This is sad! Why? Cause, its most of the time something that doesn't have a strong basis to support! But yet it is followed, and this is the thing that puts us at this position, the position in which we gain no certainty about life. This has become our norm, our culture, our practice, but yet people fail to realise, these things just kill us bit by bit, day by day. But remember, its a norm! Its either you choose to follow it blindly which most of us do, or you go with the flow, make the best of every situation and decision, but consider every little popping idea that comes in ur mind and heart! I like no.2... :D

Its hard to be yourself these days, Every little detail creates doubt, every little step makes the world turn around, but the irony is that everyone else is asking u to change when they're simply trying so hard to be like you. Okay, this is brutal, but its something we all do, look at a common picture and trying drawing it out! Its like.. you see this latest designer dress being worn by your favourite celebrity, and the next thing ,whether u realise it or not, you're in a store searching for it.

The bottom line is, we follow people whom we think are sensible, someone we think is on the right track, but we must realise, instead of following them, we should improvise ourselves, make it as original as possible, because only then people will appreciate us as being entirely ourselves, instead of being associated with someone else.

We all act. Thats something we must accept. We are all actors and actresses in life, whether you realise it or not. For example, when you're out to meet someone, you put on ur best behaviour, and that is a simple example of a mask, that u wish to show the world, so that at the end of the day, the impression imposed on you is the best, giving no possible way to any negative comments. So, at the end of the day, we're all acting in a play called "life" and we all wish to have the "best role" award. So, note this: Improvise, make yourself as original as possible, cause then, you'd make a statement!

Lastly, Life is in your hands. Make the best of it, not for the world, but just for yourself, and those that play an important role in your life.

cheerz

Reminiscence ~

2009-03-02T17:48:00.001+08:00

Sitting in this lonely room, she reminiscent the last time she saw you, it wasnt face-to-face, but it was good enough! Little, sweet smiles; jokes and laughter, felt as if all emotions gushed out in a split second. She teared and said "I miss you so much baby." He spread his arms wide open, and all he asked her to do was "Fall into my arms my beautiful princess, dont move away!" Those were the days when falling in love seemed so beautiful, it involved tonnes of smiles and millions of tears, but yet it brought two hearts close together, two hearts that were dying to unite as one.

As time passed, as many sunsets occured, they only grew to realise that all they wanted most of life, was each other. Nothing more, not even money, car, house, or anyone else, and they wanted nothing less too. As time passed, problems step foot into the beautiful bond they had. Well, when this is said, most of us would wonder if its either one of them with the problem, but the truth is that, every little problem that came along their lives, was due to the people around them. No one had faith that it would work out, no one had hope...

Facing so many ups and downs they realised, it was time to consider beyong love itself. "I love you, dont ever doubt that, but there is more to love than just us, we can only move on and achieve our dreams of being one, if and only if we decide to make sacrifices and face all the criticism the world has for us.." Those words of his caught her attention, for once in her entire life she realised that love doesnt stand on its own. Love needs to be supported by reality, logic, norms, practices.....

They could only hold each other close, pat each others back, plant small kissess and bind tightly to one another.. cause at that point of time, it felt as if everything is starting to shatter.. every tear resembled a mile away from one another.. She wrapped her arms around his neck, grabbing on his jacket, her hands slipped every time she held that jacket tight, she never did once want to believe that it was a sign, a sign that probably all the bliss and love she had felt ever since they united are being shed bit by bit, day by day...

"So baby? Shall we take sometime to think it over? Lets consider every little bit of issue that is being presented to us.. lets see if this will work baby.. If it does we'll move on, but if it doesn't we will part as friends..." he said, he tried hiding his grief from her, he never did shed a tear (or she just didnt see it), but he pretended well.

As the tears rolled down her beautiful face, she looked at him, and whispered, " If this is what we need to face my baby, lets take a few days, a few days to decide the best decision towards our happiness, but until then, could we just please cherish every little bit thats left of our love? "

No one could say a word, cause thats how painful it is when u stand between 2 different worlds.. between love and logic...

I wish...

I wish you could see
just how much you mean to me
how your kisses make me feel
and how your love is so real
how your hugs make me melt
you bring out this feeling ive never felt
i get this tingle in my tummy
everytime i try to talk....i feel like a dummy
your eyes are so deep in blue
i get lost in them everytime i look at you
and your touch...dont get me started
when i tryed to flirt i feel Re-tarted
but please dont leave me
because i know you wont ever know or see
how much you made smile
and without you my heart i would put in deniale
becuase no-one else could ever make me feel
the way you could and i dont think i could deal
with all the pain of losing you
so stay with me my baby boo

L-O-V-E

2009-02-24T01:59:00.003+08:00

" Baby, i will wait for you, If its last thing i do..." Elliot Yamin-Wait for u~

Beautiful song, shows how much he wants this special girl in his life. Ever heard of hopelessly in love? Well, he's a good example! Striving for that one and only, the girl of his dreams. Lives for one, dies for one! You know, this case ends up with absolute success or failure, meaning that its either he has a happily ever after story, or he goes into depression due to a loss that he can never recover from. It comes back to absolute happiness or sadness~

"You're that one for me, its clear for everyone to see"Usher&A.Keys-My Boo

This song potrays a view on the past, looking back at the first relationship. Whe she moves on with someone else, then meets with her first love again, short flash back of the past, from the first touch to the first kiss, but even though they have moved on, they realise, nothing stays as strong as ur first love! A package of both success and failure! This shows how great it is to sacrifice ur love for sumone, whom is in love with sumone else. Love with sacrifices, that may cause lots of pain internally, but as long as u see a smile on ur love's face, you realise everything is just for the better! So, you decide to move on, and follow the flow of life~

" Touch me now, dont bother, if every second it makes me weaker, you can safe me from the man i've become" Backstreet Boys - Shape of my heart

This is somewhat like what was explained for My Boo, but the difference is that this case involves mistakes and mess ups by one side, that finally ends up losing that one person he/she loves so much, the loss that you know, you can never mend, nothing is going to bring ur lover back. Lots of tears and frustrations, regrets and sadness, blaming yourself entirely for every mishaps that happened. The unique thing is, as much as we believe that in every essential thing in life it takes 2 to clap, but in this case, everything is blamed on one party, and that party doesnt deny. This takes time, healing is almost close to impossible, especially if its with someone you love so dearly.

"I hate how much i love you boy, I cant stand how much i need you" - Rihanna and Ne Yo - Hate That I Love You

Attraction with a barrier, as much as they both love each other, they realise that things can never work between them, but yet they love each other so much and they believe every shine in their life is due to the love that have for one another. Little things like smiles, and kisses, the bear essentials for their happiness. The need to be together, the desire to be in each others' life, drives them to the sacrifices their need to just withstand life's challenges.

"I know this is a feeling that i just can't fight, you're the first and last thing on my mind" Blue - You Make Me Wanna

This is somewhat similar to Wait for u, but the difference is that, it involves friendship. Close relationship between a girl and a guy that eventually brings additional desires in him, making him initiate the move towards making her the one and only love of his life. He wants to share both night and day with her, he wants to show her all the beautiful wonders of love, to let her realise how much she means to him, how much she shines light in his life and how much he just wants to surrender his soul to her. Hopelessly Romantic! Woman love romance dont we? :P

Bottom line is that, love as much as it sounds beautiful and perfect, can end up being imperfect and may even break you into pieces. But do not fear to love, whether a success or a failure, love is worth experiencing, because it is the most important element that makes life complete. You can buy everything with cash, but can you buy undying love? Question with numerous answers, but its entirely up to you. Define love in your own words, and give it some thought. Love is a slow growing process, but it forms a strong undying base, that never fades with time.

"Take a step at a time, there's no need to rush, its like learning to fly, or falling in love" Jordin Sparks - A Step At A Time.

Muaxxx

random~

2009-02-15T00:54:00.004+08:00

Worries come by her

She sits and broods on what to do,

She picks herself up,

Moves to solve every problem,

With every known method available,

But at the end,

Its just for a thanks or a smile,

Then forgotten till the end of time...

What is she worth to your eyes?

What does she remind you of?

Has she ever meant any harm?

Has she ever expected anything in return?

She asks for no awards,

No recognitions, No money,

But just your undying love and care,

That drives her to live,

Every second of her life...

Now she sits by the window,

Hoping that someday,

Someone will realise,

That all she meant to do..

Was to spread her love,

To help those in need..

As it's just a genuine way..

Of making a presence,

Of having an impact,

In the lives of her loved ones..

"I may not be worth a million,

Or even a gem for the matter,

But here i stand right before you,

Asking kindly for a tiny request,

Keep me alive in your heart,

As i live knowing that,

You would hold my hands,

When i fall..."

You will never know how much you actually mean to a person,

Your may never realise how much your happiness means to them,

You may never understand her intentions,

But trust me, its all for the better at the end of the day!

So, change your thinking today,

Do not jump to conclusions, Never loose faith and trust,

Start cherishing those around you,

Cause you'll never know who plays that role of an angel in your life.

surviving entirely on others~

2009-02-13T18:12:00.003+08:00

cryptic growth - according to microbial physiology, it refers to the organism that lives or survives on lysis products of lysis cells. Lysis in this context means dead cells, meaning cells that show no growth what-so-ever! I share a similarity with cells that undergo cryptic growth, i depend on others, not so much for the benefits, ie for help with homework, or for money, but more for support, and the major difference between me and those undergoing cryptic growth is that, i rely on LIVING organisms! Entirely!

I realised that as time passes by, as we grow physically i mean, that we seem to lag in some way or another when it comes to mental growth. Okay, i know i may seem like i am not making any sense, but what i'm trying to say is that the age never in the entire world potrays our thinking. I know of 22 year olds who make the most childish and "far beyond thinking" remark, that at times potrays a 12 year old? I am not picking on anyone, nor am i criticising the people around me, but i am being entirely general, focussing on all of us, cause whether we realise it or not, we do face this same problem. We think we're adults, cause we have reached the age, but trust me my loving people out there, when it comes to making rasional decisions and choosing the best approach to a problem, we always fumble! The question is, how adult is your thinking compared to your age?

I also realised that we tend to give better advices to other, but never to ourselves. Agreed? I don't know about you but trust me, i can think rasionally and practically for everyone else on earth, except for myself and those really close to me. Why? Cause i get really sceptical, i worry if the decision made might cause some sort of undesired effect, which could in return damage the relationship i have with this particular person. And if its only involving me, it will decrease my sellf-esteem.Seems simple no? but trust me, nothing has a greater impact than this.

Bottom line is, if we're gonna whine about worries of making mistakes, and if we're gonna punish someone for the mistakes he or she had done, we have proved ourselves to be not as adult as our age shows. Where is the understanding? We make mistakes! Drill that in ur head! No one is perfect! Noted? But... wait up.. there is more...

Mistakes can be prevented. So think... and consult...

Prevention is better than cure in everything else, but when it comes to mistakes, if it has already happened, do not sit and brood over it, but just pick ur butt up that floor, and move on, be happy cause u just learnt a valuable lesson!

cheerz!

Tagged~

2008-12-18T01:37:00.005+08:00

Lol. thanks to sharmila! i respond sharmila. i really do. ;) Hope ur doing good too:D.

ok..ok.. back to the survey~ I decided to have a 50-50 view, meaning to answer the question with both, a girl and a guys view.. not bias, just as honest and as fair as it could be. Well, its not that i have nothing to do, i just have so much stuff to do, that i need a break. So lets take a chill pill and enjoy the survey ok? ;)

1. Do you think you're hot?
NOT! but i have curves :P okay, thats just to make me feel better. sheesh!

2. Upload a favourite picture of yourself.
done that too many times...:)

3. Do you like the picture?
i love myself, so yea its not bad~:P

4. When was the last time you ate pizza?
hmm... 2 days back~ :P yummy. Canadian Pizza~

5. What was the last song you listened to?
shawty get loose -lil mama and chris brown~

6. What are you doing right now besides this?
talking to friends, blogging, and facebooking~;)

7. What name do you prefer besides your name?
anything NICE... lol.. used to Sharu~

8. 5 people I tagged :
ezreena, nat, dharry, sanjay and kas? well aint sure if they'll do it:P

9. Who is number 1?
my pet sis whom i've not kept in touch with for so long! hope ur doing good girl~ great girl indeed!

10. Who is number 3 having relationship with?
Aint sure! Dharry i need updates! miss ya lotz girl~

11. Say something about number 5.
Out-going, cheerful! love her!

12. How about number 4?
Great guy, really hardworking! You go man!! :)

13. Who is number 2?
My great pal. she's the best girl friend ever! The future fashion designer! miss ya so much gurl!

None of us Lets Go~

2008-12-14T22:53:00.004+08:00

she couldn't let him go. She just couldn't. It was so difficult to leave him, because she knew how much he had helped her deal with life, she had only one person whom she shared everything with, and she knew, that if she were to let him go, it would be the greatest sacrifice ever. But she still wanted to leave, she wanted to tell him that either way, no matter how much we try, it isn't going to work out, as there were too many differences, too many objections, too many frustrating situations. But she couldnt, neither could he. He cried for days, all he asked for was a chance, a chance to be united, a chance to proof that things can work out and that everything will be fine. That was all he asked for, despite all the negative responses obtained.

So there they were, talking, thinking of how destiny had played with their lives, but out of the blues, one fine day, he came up to her and asked, if she was willing to just give him one more chance, one more chance of proving himself to her, to her family and all those who doubted what they had. He didn't ask for money, he never asked for attention, he asked for one chance, for him to show what he had deep inside, to show the love he had for her. She played it safe, knowing the circumstances she is in, she wanted his love, she wanted to love him, but she didnt want any strings attached, cause she feared if one day, destiny might separate them again.

Letters, emails, conversations, it all just went on and on. The one thing that was common, was the fact that he always had a feeling in him, a feeling he never liked and was scared about, and that was losing her. He'd always remind her, "Although i say i love u, i feel like i'm losing u". Those words made her silent, tears filled her eyes, and all she could say was i know u love me, and lets just give it time, God is on our side. That crushed him deep inside, she knew it but she had no way out. They contacted each other, and yes they grew closed to one another, but the fear haunts them both, the fear that they might not be one someday.

For the beautiful woman of my dreams:

Waiting for the morning to come to you, with baited breath to breathe your love, expectant of what the day will bring, I stand at your side my heart in hand. Beautiful my princess in and out, you lie in bed your body taught, your lips softly moaning a song of love, your eyelids batting in the breeze. You look at me, you smile and kiss, my waiting hand, towards your heart you pull.Intense embrace of love we share, a metaphor of life with you, my charming love my precious wife, I'm yours alone I'm yours to hold. A pleasure so sublime our love, a thing that can be shared with none, a force so strong it knows no bound, a bridge which spans all oceans thus. The will to fight together held, by everlasting love will be, our prize a life together spent, in harmony and loving toil.

Time will tell a thousand things,

but they hope that time will finally bring them to one,

the fact of being together with the blessings of their loved ones....

none of us lets go.... :'(

2008-12-02T13:19:00.002+08:00

"i need some time and space. I dont think i am ready." Those were the words that came out of her mouth earlier today. Mixed feelings, so much memories and issues running in her head. She never knew it would just end in a wink of an eye. But it did, and she let it be, as he himself said it would hurt if it prolonged. So it was the end to a one year relationship, which coloured her life and transformed her into a fine woman. Now she sits alone, thinking about her state and condition,not knowing where to go, not knowing what to do, but tears just flow, and its been flowing without a stop for sometime.. even at this point, she isnt thinking about herself, but she's thinking about him, whether he'd be ok and he would move on.. whether he'd smile and enjoy life again after what she has done.. she stands like an evil shadow in front of him, evil enough to hurt him and crush him into pieces.

She wanted this so much, but she let it go, cause she doesnt want to hurt him anymore, she thought she could mend everything, but she ended up killing him, for what she felt inside her, she felt as if it wasn't genuine, and she didn't ever want to take him for a ride which has no promises. Everything moved too fast, she needed to stop, and think. So she did, she thought about everything, So she decided, that she would take a time out from everything, and that included leaving him.

So they talked, they cried, they begged, and finally it all ended. Now, she's here, sitting in front of the computer, waiting and hoping that he would be on, but he wasn't. She felt so much guilt, so much sadness, cause she hurt him so much, that she worries so much for him. She felt as if she lost half of her soul. She read his letters, emails, postcards all over again, and it struck her so bad, that he had spent so much on her, and she realised that all she did for him was hurt him... deep inside.. :'(

So, she decided to leave him a short note, despite promising him to not ever disturb him in any way, cause she couldnt help it, too worried about what he might do or decide.. so she did, send him a short note..

"i am guilty and i am so sorry for all the pain i am causing u right now. I hope you understand someday, that everything happens for a reason, and that i never meant to kill u like this. I know i;m not supposed to text you, but i just couldnt hold back. i know i did so much to u, but i need to know ur ok.. just that.."

Holding his letter and the gifts in her hands, she sat there, in her room, on the floor, leaning on the wall, waiting to get a short response from him...

"God bless you"

CoLouRS oF LiFe aS a YouNG aDuLT~

2008-11-23T15:09:00.002+08:00

what is it that we want so much out of life? what is the thing we want most, and although we have enough, it never seems to satisfy our needs? why is it that we never consider being appreciative, and thankful for what we have in our lives?

Education~

we start school from the age of 4? say kindergarden, then followed by primary education, secondary, pre-university and finally.. degree! oh wait, there's still masters, PhD? okay, but do u realise, that every time we talk abt studies, the first thing that comes into our minds are our results, exams, assignments, and the list goes on. we never take a moment to cherish, cherish the amount of time in our lives we've spent on learning. Okay, i'm now doing my degree, 2nd year, thats a total of 17 years of education. Isnt that a lot? But why do we still compare, compare with student who are so called "brilliant" just cause they get all As. Arent we brilliant too? The fact that we struggled through school and college, shows that we are well contented people, we are great too! why do people always think they're useless or just not up to the mark? Why cant we just be thankful for every little success that comes in our life? We should be thankful! but we are never satisfied i guess....

Family~

We strive for our families dont we? Our parents took so much pain just to make our lives easy, from the first milk bottle, pampers, clothes to the school text books, and now till university, they have always been there, striving to make our lives much easier than what they have gone through. Talk about being caring, no one else could be like them. No one else cares for us as much as them, and no one else prays for our happiness and well-being as much as they do. Thanks appa and amma! Thanks mum and dad! But the truth is, for all the hardship and pain they go through, i realised that, they obtain a huge amount of happiness, even just by seeing us smile. Then there is our siblings. The elder bro and sis, the younger bro and sis... that makes us all irritated and angry... arghh... but the truth is, most of them never express how much they love, care and respect us. So, there it is, a happy family!

Friendship~

As we grow up, we meet people. A simple walk to the store, or just going to the playground, just by saying "hi" we meet someone new, and that person, once we meet again and again.. slowly turns into being a friend. What is a friend? A playmate, a person who enjoys every single thing we do, sharing similar interests and hobbies with us, thats a friend(to a kid definitly). Then there is the school friends, in standard one to six, those whom we compare our colour pencil sets to, those whom we play "catching" with, those who one day is our friend, and the next day not! lol.. dont u remember those lines: "i dowan to be ur friend anymore!" lol. Those were the days huh? Then there is the friends u meet in high school, and this is when u meet "true" friends.You learn that people are made of unique characters, then u'll realise not everyone can be your friend. Thats cause as we grow up, we tend to decide, what we want and what we dont like. And that also comes to choosing ur friends. We stick with the ones we like, the ones that brings some sort of a benefit to us; whereas we avoid meeting and talking to those whom we dislike. Then as we step into university or any form of further education; we realise many people are walking around with masks. Too many people hiding their own identity, acting like someone they're not, wishing to make more friends. But my question is : What is the point of talking abt friendship when everyone is a fake? Why doesn't anyone understand how important it is to be genuine in friendship? Well, these are just questions without specific answers, cause its subject to ones view.

Love~

Then there is love. Love in this context could mean love for your family, love for ur friends, or ehmm... yes yes.. love for that special someone. Ok, we love our family no? YES! We love our friends no? Yes. Now lets come to that special someone. As we experience a day at a time, we come across many people, mostly strangers and sometimes, a few of our friends. The thrill of meeting this stranger is all activated when we come across that "dream partner"! The charming, sweet, smart, beautiful, exciting, interesting ......da da da...wait wait.. for the girls, the tall, dark and handsome sexy man!...lol.. and the list goes on. Then we have to make a decision.. to love or not? Usually in this context the partner would be of the opposite sex. Its a myth or a believe that the opposite sex understands ur every need, every character well that it would make it so perfect when you're together. i guess it could be the fact that it is easy to communicate, and understand each others needs... interesting no? Well, some say the best friends they have are also of the opposite sex, and yes, the reason is cause they are said to be more understanding! So now tell me, what is this unique relationship between a girl and a guy? it seems that girls tend to melt to the man's words, he says ur beautiful and u blush, and when you say he's charming, he says JACKPOT! lol, but are we girls that weak when it comes to guys? i guess not. Its just that we attention! when he says we're beautiful, the first thing that goes in a girl's mind is the fact is she has been seen and considered good looking by a guy. Then when he grows closer and closer, we love the fact that he lends a ear to hear to all our problems and complains. Then, we like the fact that a problem, no matter how serious it is, it never seems big to guys! Stay cool and cheer up policy! But at the end of the day, its the attention, the love, the care and the respect between a girl and a guy that turns into love eventually.

Question: Is it true that a girl and a guy can never stay as friends forever without falling for each other? Its my biggest doubt! Help!

a wake up song, for his dearly beloved~

2008-07-30T16:13:00.002+08:00

Morning light upon your forehead plays

Like sunshine on a precious sea

Gently like my hands caressing

Sensual contours, contours of your face.

Like my nose and lips one morning

Will caress your precious bonny face

Tenderly administering kisses

Doses of a wakeup song

Simple yet complete reminders

Of the love I have for you

Of the hope that blossoms in my heart

Of the warmth exhaling from your breath

Oh my sleeping beauty!

Tender in the fairy land

Wish I do I shouldn’t wake you

But you’re such a dream I must

‘Cause the dream of life is you my darling

And I wake up every day for you.

Just to fight to make our dream come true

Just to say I love you wife.

Stay with me my darling baby

Open those precious eyes of yours

Groggily in sleep utter “I love you”

Share with me the dream of life.

random pictures, that inspires life~

2008-06-16T20:43:00.007+08:00

love note, from a man to a woman~

2008-06-16T13:44:00.003+08:00

I'd love to give you:
A kiss for every breath you take
a hug for ever sound you make
The world for all the love you have
A life of perfect happiness.

Because you mean the world to me
and no one makes me happy like you do
Because only your love is true
and I was born to be your man.

And come what may, whatever it be
No one will ever make us part
Because I am forever yours
and you're my wife forever too.

I love you baby, very much
the whole world's not enough
to make it fit, to hold it in
because I love you fit to burst ..

I'm back after 4 monthz! lol

2008-06-13T13:08:00.007+08:00

Hey! I'm back, and this time with a new and better me.. lol.. yea thats what everyone says after they take a long break, but trust me, i'm still the old me. Oh well, its uni break now, wasting my time just helping my parents out with bro, granny and all, as well as catchin up with my palz which i will definitely miss lotz once i leave for Penang again! huhuhuhu...

Otherwise life is ok. I got into Biotechnology (thankfully) and out of pure luck i did pretty ok for my exams and all.. its purely my parents prayers and all.. dont know how i did it..

anyway.. my parents had this small birthday party for me.. I'm a big 21 now! lol.. yea.. so these are some of the pictures:

well, it was great really.. and i know i look bad in a saree.. too bad k..live with it! lol..

thanks to all that helped out and actually came for the small gathering. thanks mum, dad, suresh, maanoj, vinod etta, aunts, uncles, friendz and all!!

take carezzz

Chris's Diary~

2008-02-15T22:51:00.000+08:00

It had been raining for more than a week, so much rain it made everyday seemed so restless and gloomy. She called and said she was coming up. It was the third time she came up to see me that week. I carried her excuse of why she came all the way here and went to meet her at the nearby seven-eleven. She was standing there alone, carrying her red umbrella. Her friend had dropped her off. It was raining and she was shivering. She looked weak and fragile in the harsh rain, wearing not enough to keep her warm.

I walked up to her and said, "You shouldn't come see me anymore," and stuff like how we shouldn't be together.
She said, "I miss you."
I told her coldly, "Lets go, I'll take you home."
She did not open up her umbrella, I knew she wanted to share mine.
I said, "Open up your umbrella, let's go."

Unwillingly, She opened up her umbrella and walked with me to the car. She said she hadn't eat lunch or dinner and asked if we could stop at some place to eat.

Right away I answered with a stoned heart, "No!"
Disappointed, she asked me to take her to the train station, she said she would take the train back home.

Maybe it was the rain, all the trains were full of people with umbrellas and suit cases who were eager to get home, not caring about who just passed by. We waited and waited, she looked at me innocently. Being together for so long, of course I knew what she meant. I understand how she must feel when she came all this way here in this kind of weather and I treat her like this. With her soft eyes staring at me, I felt guilt and wanted to let her stay for the night.

But reality struck again, I said to her coldly, "Let's go try the other train station."

We were living in the same apartment building, on the same floor. Back then there were four of us, and we got along well. We would always eat dinner together, watch movies, and sometimes go camping. We were more like a family, but I didn't know I would end up falling in love with the only girl of the four. Maybe it was during the last year of college, having living together for two years, we developed deep feelings for each other. After she graduated she went back home, and I stayed for one more year to finish school. During that year I was only able to take the train down to see her on holidays, but never for long. That was how we kept the treasured relationship.

We were walking along the side of the road. She was in front of me and I was right behind her. Her umbrella had a broken spoke. She looked liked a wounded soldier, carrying her rusted rifle walking weakly. Many times, she was too into thinking or whatever she was doing, drifting off the road, she almost got hit by the cars passing by. I wanted to just take her in my arms, but with the love I had for her and the constant pain in my stomach, I did nothing. On the way, we passed by the park where we use to always go.

She begged and said, "Lets go in the park just for a little while please, I promise I'll go home right after this."

With her begging, my cold heart softened, but I still put up an annoyed face and walked in the park. I was just sitting on the benches looking like I wanted to leave. She went to the big oak tree and she was looking for something. I knew she was looking for what we wrote on that tree with a silver ink pen half a year ago. If I remember it right, it said, "Chris and Susan was here, Chris had tea and Susan was drinking hot chocolate. Hope Chris and Susan would always remember this day, always loving each other, forever." She was looking around for quite a while, then she came back slowly with tears on her face.

She said, "Chris, I can't find it, it's not there anymore."
I felt so sour inside, there was a stream of pain, flowing into my heart, the kind of pain I've never felt before. But all I could do was pretend I didn't care, and said, "Can we go now?"
I opened up my big black umbrella, she was just standing there, didn't want to leave yet, hoping there was still a chance. She said, "You made up the story of you and that other girl didn't you? I know I frustrate you sometimes, but I'll change, can't we start over?"

I didn't say a word, just looked down and shook my head. After that we just kept on walking towards the train station, didn't say a word to each other.

Four years ago, the doctor said I had cancer, but it was found early, so it was still curable. Thinking that it was okay, I started living my normal life again, and even forgot about the cancer. I didn't think about the cancer again and did not go back to the doctor. Until a month ago, my stomach was hurting for two weeks straight, and the nightmare awakened me again. First I thought the pain wouldl go away, but it grew stronger until to the point that I couldn't take it anymore. I went back to the doctor and took an X-ray. The picture came out and there was a big black spot, which proved the truth that I did not want to believe. I was at the most glittering part of my life, but it was coming to an end. I wanted myself and the people around me to go through the least pain possible, so I decided to commit suicide. But I couldn't let people find out about my intentions, especially Susan, the person I love the most in this whole world, who still doesn't know about the truth. Susan was still young, she shouldn't have to go through this. So I made up some stories and lied to her. It was a cruel thing to do, and it broke her heart, but it was the fastest way to wipe out three years's feelings. I didn't have much time, because I would soon start to loose hair and she would find out eventually. But now I'm close to succeeding, this drama would soon be over. Thirty minutes more this would all come to an end, that was what I had in mind.

The train had stopped running so I called a taxi for her. We were just standing there, waiting, loosing our last moments in silence.

I saw the taxi from far away, I held my tears and said to her, "Take care of yourself, take good care of yourself."

She didn't talk, just nodded lightly, and then opened up her misshaped umbrella and stepped out on the street. Out in the rain, we became two single life forms, one red, one black, so far away from each other. I opened the door for her and she got in, then I close the gate that would separate me from her forever. I stood by the car, staring in the dark window, at the first love in my life, also the last one, walking out of my life. The car started, driving into the street. Finally I couldn't hold my sorrow and the twist in my heart any longer, waving my arms rapidly chasing after the taxi, because I knew, this would be the last time I see her. I wanted to tell her I still love her, I wanted to tell her to stay, I wanted to tell her so much, but the taxi had already turned in the corner. Warm tears kept falling down my face, blended with the cold rain drops. I was cold, not because of the rain. I was cold inside.

She left, and I didn't get anymore of her phone calls even until today. I know she didn't see my tears, because they were washed away by the rain. I left without regrets. But I'm not Chris, I'm that girl Susan, using my memory, and his diary I found after one year since he left, writing down these last words.

L.O.V.E

2007-12-29T01:01:00.000+08:00

Cheerful, Happy, Beautiful. These were the adjectives used by her friends every time they saw her. She would be so cheerful, till everyone starts questioning, what actually is going on in her life. She would share her happiness with everyone, until people called her mad. She would look her best, as if she was meeting the king, and that too made many jealous.

Friend 1: Wow you look so vibrant. Whats up?
She : Nothing much, but just love!
Friend 1: Love?
She : *Giggles*

She is the first child of a middle class family who thinks education is the key of success. She never pictured herself falling in love and all, because she knew, her main goal in life was to be successful, if not for herself, at least for her parents. She knew, it wasnt easy for her parents, raising up 2 children in such a big town. So all she did was to try fulfilling all her obligations.

But, what she never knew was that there is this little feeling in her heart, which cannot be controlled, as it strikes when the time is right. And that little feeling was love. She met him online, she thought it would be just another anonymous chat friend who would just make her night more eventful besides keeping her company. She did describe herself, hoping to catch his attention, but what she failed to realise was that she lied virtually every important detail of herself, and this was because she never knew that she would ever talk to this same guy again. But, as much as she loved the company, she loved the attention he gave her. So, they spent their days and nights, talking to each other, about their lives, and their pleasures.

As time passed, she fell in love with him. She would rush back exactly in time to have a short chat with him, to tell him her eventful schedules of the day, as well as to show him how much she loved him. She told him everything, every little detail about herself, so that he would accept her the way she was. She was worried, that someday he might be dissappointed with what she has to offer. The problem, or so called "problem" was that she never felt the love from a third party, especially from a man. He loved her so much, and she loved it, the feeling of being loved by someone.

She: Baby, you make me feel so complete
He : You complete my life too hun
She: I wonder what the future holds for us...
He : Trust me baby, i know, the future is bright for us both... just stay with me baby..
She: I will baby, for eternity... I love you!
He : I love u too.

Thats love. No word describes how great it feels, cause really, no one adjective can describe "LOVE" in a whole. The only way to understand it, is to feel it with that one person you love.

Dont be afraid to fall in love, cause once you're in it, its wonderful...

Love u lotz...

blogthings~

2007-12-25T23:19:00.000+08:00

You Were Pretty Average This Year

You Were 55% Naughty, 45% Nice

You tried to be a good girl this year...
But as you know, being good isn't that fun!
If you're extra sweet, you may have enough time to get on that nice list.

Were You a Naughty Girl or Nice Girl this Year?

You Don't Need a Man, but You Want One!

You like having a guy in your life, and overall, you prefer not to be single.
You won't go out with a guy out of desperation.. you rather be alone.
However, when you're single, you do tend to obsess a little over dating.
Because no matter how good your single life is, it's better with a great guy around.

Do You Need a Man?

Your Kissing Grade: A-

You are truly an amazing kisser. Your kisses are extraordinarily mind blowing.
Whether you're naturally a good kisser or not, you've taken the time learn how to be the best kisser possible.
Anyone would be lucky to get a kiss from you!

How Do Your Kisses Rate?

Start Hunting For That New Apartment

You two are ready to live together - and probably have been for a while
You're a perfect match, even if you don't agree on everything
What's important is compromise... a skill you and your guy have mastered
So head out to Bed, Bath, and Beyond. It's time for your new life together!

Should You Live With Your Boyfriend?

Keep Him :-)

This guy's got marriage on the brain - and should propose soon...
That is, if you play your cards right. Keep doing what you're doing.
Marriage material guy doesn't like drama - or hot today, cold tomorrow relationships.
So keep it flowing peacefully, and you'll capture his heart.

How to make sure you're ready: Make sure that you love marriage minded guy because he's a fantastic catch - not because he's eager to walk down the aisle.

Is He Marriage Material?

Beautiful love notez~

2007-12-24T01:02:00.000+08:00

Here are some beautiful love notez, written by a man to the woman he loves...

Note 1

My beautiful baby girl, I am missing you terribly. It pains my heart not to be able to share everything in my life with you, but time and distance cheat us. It is only my love for you that keeps me going these days baby. Only that. Tho oceans place us far apart, and the constraints of daily life prevent us from being as close as I would like, I dwell in that hope, nay, that certainty, that I shall son have you in my arms to hold.
Oh baby, if you only knew how this poor heart of mine strains daily, stretched to its limits from holding back all this love. Tell me how, my darling, how I can show you the extent of my love for you... I will do anything to make you happy. My whole life is now a kaleidoscope of our memories, a mosaic of our dreams together; even tho' we have only known each other for a relatively brief time, I feel as if we had already spent many lifetimes together. Such is the impact you have made on me, my wife.
Please come to me soon. I crave you.
Love,
hubby

Note 2

Hello my darling wife, how have you been. I hope everything is well with you baby. Just wanted to tell you how much I love you, how pretty you appear to me in my dreams, how much my arms ache from not being able to hold you. If I were only the wind, so I could be always pressed against your face, touseling your hair. If I were only the water that bathes you, the bedsheets that cover you, the food you eat, the lipstick you use. So I could always be with you, never parted.

Your ever loving husband

Note 3

My loving wife. The day has been dreary and cold, more so without you. I sigh and breathe a heavy air, dense and unbreathable without your presence. I run our conversations over and over again in my mind, finding within them only temporary relief from my solitude.
My baby, I wonder how you have been doing. How those endeavours of yours progress. I know you have been hectic and busy, but I soon hope that you might find a little time within them to drop me a line or perhaps even log on a bit.
Anyways, I hope that everything is well.
Love, and have strength, for soon we shall be united,

your Prince.

Beautiful aint it? Thats love. Remember to always write to the person u love, and make it as original as u can, cause that potrays whats in the heart.

Love! Cause nothing feels as good as it.

Love ya!

My presence~

2007-12-22T10:07:00.001+08:00

I came into this world,
Not knowing what to expect and what the purpose was,
But i was aware, what is taught is what is meant to be practised,
And that was it, the basic essence of life..

But then, as i grew,
I realised that sometimes we have to think and react,
And sometimes this goes against our believes and practices,
What do we do?
We start comforting ourselves,
Thinking that our loved ones will understand,
Every little action we take and the reasons that back up the issue,
But, That is what we hope,
What do we do when they go against it?

I always thought i made u happy.
I always thought you were proud of me,
I always thought you were my source of encouragement,
I always thought you would give me a chance to prove my stand in this world,
I always thought some where in that little heart, you understood me..

But, No.
Fights after fights,
Arguments, misunderstandings,
Silent moments fill the room, and all i have now, is just guilt...
I'm sorry for not being the way u want me to be,
I'm sorry if i am such a big dissappointment,
I'm sorry for not being the perfect person to make u happy,
I'm sorry if i've failed in your test...

Cause honestly, this is all i can do...
But be happy that you have the world behind your back for support...
Be happy that people still love and care for you..
Be cheerful about enjoying every sweet bit of happiness..
And make sure you keep your loved ones close...

cause here i am standing alone,
wanting a shoulder to cry on,
wanting someone by my side,
to bring my spirits up,
so that i can stand up strong again...

Why Women Cry?

2007-12-17T23:39:00.000+08:00

A little boy asked his mother, "Why are
you crying?" "Because I'm a woman," she
told him.

"I don't understand," he said. His Mom
just hugged him and said, "And you never
will."

Later the little boy asked his father,
"Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?"

"All women cry for no reason," was all
his dad could say.

The little boy grew up and became a man,
still wondering why women cry.

Finally he put in a call to God. When
God got on the phone, he asked, "God,
why do women cry so easily?"

God said:

"When I made the woman she had to be
special.

I made her shoulders strong enough to
carry the weight of the world,

yet gentle enough to give comfort.

I gave her an inner strength to endure
childbirth and the rejection that many
times comes from her children.

I gave her a hardness that allows her to
keep going when everyone else gives up,
and take care of her family through
sickness and fatigue without complaining.

I gave her the sensitivity to love her
children under any and all
circumstances, even when her child has
hurt her very badly.

I gave her strength to carry he! r
husband through his faults and fashioned
her from his rib to protect his heart.

I gave her wisdom to know that a good
husband never hurts his wife, but
sometimes tests her strengths and her
resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly.

And finally, I gave her a tear to shed.
This is hers exclusively to use whenever
it is needed."

"You see my son," said God, "the beauty
of a woman is not in the clothes she
wears, the figure that she carries, or
the way she combs her hair.

The beauty of a woman must be seen in
her eyes, because that is the doorway to
her heart - the place where love resides."

Trust?

2007-12-16T01:15:00.000+08:00

The she stood by the window, thinking of the little happiness she's feeling deep inside her these past few days. She was happy, as she was loved. She felt how sweet and wonderful it was to fall in love. There she stood by the window, looking back at all her conversations with the man she loved. All he did was love her the way she was, and she would always go through over and over again the conversations they had together as it meant so much to her.

She: thanks for loving me this way...
He: ur special baby
She: u make me feel so happy
He: you make me feel special too for deserving ur love
She: my love is nothing compared to urs and thanks so much baby for loving me...
He: baby, ur love is everything to me
She: ur love is what is keeping me going
He: babes, I love you

And yes, they argued, on whose love is bigger. Their daily routine was as normal, but every 12 hours, they meet online, and chat for about 2-3 hours, telling each other how much love meant to them, planning a future together, and how much they can't live without each other. Wow, i know, sounds like a fairy tale or something!

As time passed, they realised, what love was about. Sounds so much like a fairy tale doesn't it, but the truth is that, they became one due to their differences. They were different in many ways, and many times, they got into arguments and misunderstandings, due to their differences. However, what this contributed to their relationship was stregth, as they grew much closer to one another. They always were aware of their differences. She is the eldest child in a middle class family which encourages children to love education, very religious and gives culture the most importance, has very good moral values and practices, very caring. He on the other hand is the youngest child of a well-to-be family, which also is religious, and promotes lots of loving deeds within the family, making them very loving people, always thinking of the well-being of all the people within the nucleus family as well as the people around them.

They grew much closer to each other, sharing each others future dreams to have a wonderful future, they spoke about their education, her dream of being a researcher and him being a successful engineer. They even talked about them being a couple, how they'd make their parents accept what they have between them. They even spoke about building a family together, and that kept them alive, to expect a wonderful life with each other. It was beautiful. They wrote each other little notes and that made them eagerly in love...

But what the guy didnt know is that, the gal never had any trust in him at the beginning. She never pictured herself in love, and she never expected herself to fall in deep. She said a few lies, and she thought it was normal. He did the same, he tested her as to how loyal she is. Finally, he did confess his mistakes and lies. But the gal didnt do that. She never thought things could work out, because she knew, her parents wouldnt approve of anything of that sort, as to her family, education is of great importance, and everything else comes in second. She played along, but what she failed to realise is that she loved him, she liked the way he treated her, the way he loved her, they way he understood her. She looked forward for every meeting, every online conversation, every little detail of the relationship. She was in love, she loved the feeling and she eventually opened herself up. She talked to him, told him everything abt herself, except for the little lies she said before, such as her name and other biodata details. She cried every night, thinking of how she could open up to him, but she couldnt, cause he kept saying how happy he was to see her online. She didnt want to hurt him, but she knew eventually she'll have to open up eventually.

She cries every night, worried that he might leave her for the lies she has said. She was bold, cause she knew,she can never keep the secrets any longer, as she feels like she's cheating him and that its against the trust they have in such a beautiful relationship. She finally told him, she confessed everything, telling him that she never meant to lie, but she never had faith in the relationship they had. But she confessed that now, she is madly in love with him, and that he is the key of her happiness. He stood there, speechless, with watery eyes, looking her directly in the eye.

He: How could you? How could u keep something like that away from me?
She: I'm so sorry baby. I never meant to keep it away from you. It was just that i
said that lie from the beginning,and i didnt know how to correct them, as i was
worried about losing you. But now i know, its important for me to tell you what
happened, so that i dont cheat you, or cheat this beautiful precious
relationship that we have between us.
He:So what do i do now? What should i do, you said u trust me, what happened to that?

All she did was she cried. She told him it was totally her fault and that she has no other way to help minimize the situation. She fell on his leg, asking for forgiveness, and all he did was walk away... and he's not come back ever since...

She is still waiting in anticipation, regresting every little mistake she made...

Trust! An important element in a relationship.

What is trust?
Trust is:

Letting others know your feelings, emotions and reactions, and having the confidence in them to respect you and to not take advantage of you.

Sharing your inner feelings and thoughts with others with the belief that they will not spread them indiscriminately.

Placing confidence in others so that they will be supportive and reinforcing of you, even if you let down your "strong'' mask and show your weaknesses.

Assuming that others will not intentionally hurt or abuse you if you should make an error or a mistake.

The inner sense of acceptance you have of others with whom you are able to share secrets, knowing they are safe.

The sense that things are fine; that nothing can disrupt the bond between you and the other.

The ability to let others into your life so that you and they can create a relationship built on an understanding of mutual respect, caring, and concern to assist one another in growing and maturing independently.

The glue or cement of relationships that allows you to need others to fulfill yourself.

Opening yourself up to let others in on your background, problems, concerns, and mistakes with the assurance that they will not ostracize you because of these things.

The act of placing yourself in the vulnerable position of relying on others to treat you in a fair, open, and honest way.

Why do people have trouble developing trust in others?

People have trouble developing trust if they have:

Experienced a great deal of emotional and/or physical abuse and/or neglect.

Been chronically put down for the way they feel or for what they believe.

Been emotionally hurt in the past and are not willing to risk getting hurt in the future.

Had problem relationships in the past where they were belittled, misunderstood, or ignored.

Experienced the loss of a loved one through death. They can get so caught up in unresolved grief that they are unable to open themselves up to others, fearing they will be left alone again due to death, or, abandonment.

Experienced a hostile or bitter divorce, separation, or end of a relationship. They may be unable to believe anyone who opens up to them in a new, committed relationship.

Been reared in or have lived in an environment emotionally and/or physically unpredictable and volatile.

Experienced a great deal of pain at the hands of another. Even if the other finally recognizes and accepts the responsibility to change such behavior, the person fears that if they let their guard down, the pain and hurt will begin again.

Low self-esteem and cannot believe that they are deserving of the attention, care, and concern of anyone. They have problems even trusting the positive, healthy, and reinforcing behavior of another who is sincere.

Experienced a great deal of non-provoked victimization in their lives. They are unwilling to trust people, situations, or institutions for fear of being victimized again.

What are some beliefs of people who have problems trusting?

I have been hurt too much in the past, and I refuse to be hurt again now or in the future!

People are out to get all they can from you, so avoid them to survive!

As soon as you let your guard down, you will be stepped on again!

No one is to be trusted!

You always get hurt by the ones you love!

I get no respect from anyone!

All men (or women) are dishonest and are never to be trusted!

Everyone is out to get me!

I am never successful in picking partners, so why try again!

As soon as you care and open up to someone, they will always leave you!

Marriage is the pits!

There is no such thing as a healthy relationship!

You can never let your guard down because all hell will break loose!

All reformations are short-lived!

If I give in and believe you have truly changed, relaxing my defenses, I am most certainly going to be hurt again once you backslide!

There is no such thing as change in behavior. It is only manipulation by others to get their way with you!

Everyone is out to get as much as they can out of you!

There is no such thing as a fair employer, generous company, or supportive work place!

It is better to live alone for the rest of my life than to risk being hurt as I was!

I will never let you know my true feelings again since, if I do open up, I'm afraid you will use them against me to hurt me!

What behavioral traits do people need in order to develop trust?

People need to develop the following behavior traits, attitudes, and beliefs in order to develop trust:

Hope in the goodness of mankind: Without such hope people can become emotionally stuck, reclusive, and isolated. Hope in goodness is a change based on the willingness to take a risk that all people are not evil, bad, or ill-willed.

Faith in the fairness of life: This faith in fairness is similar to the ``boomerang belief,'' that what you throw out to others will come back to you eventually in life. So if people are fair, honest, or nurturing they will eventually receive similar behavior aimed back at them. Having faith in fairness is an attitude that helps people be open to others and risk being vulnerable. They believe that the person who treats them negatively will eventually ``get it in the end!'' and be punished in someway later in this life or in the next.

Belief in a power greater than yourself: This is the acceptance of a spiritual power with greater strength, wisdom, and knowledge than you; one with a divine plan to include your experience, whatever you will encounter in life. Rather than believing that you are 100% in control of your destiny, belief in this spiritual power enables you to let go of over responsibility, guilt, and anger. This lets you accept God's will in your life and enables you to let go of your distrust and isolation from others. If God is in control of the universe, you can lighten your load and let God do some of the leading in your life. `"Let go and let God,'' can be your motto.

A healing environment: This is the creating of a trust bond with the significant others in your personal life where blaming, accusing, and acrimony do not exist. In the healing mode the participants actively use forgiveness, understanding, and healthy communication to resolve problems and issues. The participants are then willing to forget, to let go, and to release themselves of the past hurts, wounds, and pain, opening themselves to trust one another.

Reduction of a sense of competition: This reducing of competition, jealousy, and defensiveness with significant others in your life is a way to reduce the barriers between you and them. The lowering of these psychological barriers is essential to the movement toward development of mutual trust.

Self-disclosure of negative self-scripts: Your disclosing of your inability to feel good about yourself and your perceived lack of healthy self-esteem are essential in reducing miscommunication or misunderstanding between you and the significant others in your life. This self-disclosure reveals to the others your perspective on obstacles you believe you bring to relationships. This sheds the mask of self-defensiveness and allows the other to know you as you know yourself. It is easier to trust that which is real than that which is unreal or hidden.

Taking a risk to be open to others: This enables you to become a real person to others. It is an essential behavior in trust-building between two people because it is the establishing of the parameters of strengths and weaknesses on which you have to draw as the relationship develops.

Becoming vulnerable: This enables you to be hurt by others who know your weaknesses and strengths. This is an essential step in trust-building between people. It lays the cards on the table in a gamble that in such total self-revelation the others will accept you for who you really are rather than for who they want you to be. In order to get to full self-disclosure you must take the risk to be vulnerable to others. This is an important building block in trust development.

Letting go of fear: Fear restricts your actions with others. Letting go frees you of behavioral constraints that can immobilize your emotional development. Fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of caring, fear of success, fear of being hurt, fear of the unknown, and fear of intimacy are blocks to the development of trust relationships and can impede relationship growth if not given appropriate attention and remedial action.

Self-acceptance: Accepting who you are and what your potential is an important step in letting down your guard enough to develop a trusting relationship with others. If you are so insecure in your identity that you are unable to accept yourself first, how can you achieve the self-revelation necessary to develop trust? Self-acceptance through an active program of self-affirmation and self-love is a key to the development of trust.

Women and Men~

2007-11-21T19:39:00.000+08:00

Nice one. Read it! :D

PART ONE:

Women: Give thanks for men! By Dan Bova

OK, so we have our faults: Forgetting anniversaries, forgetting to put the seat down, and a whole bunch of other important things I’m forgetting. But before you go wishing for a world devoid of us big dumb apes, take a minute to reflect on all the joy we bring to your world. Like duct tape, dudes have all kinds of helpful uses, like…

1. We do gross things you don’t want to do
Got a bug that needs squishing? A clogged drain that needs snaking? In this day and age of women doing it for themselves, every once in a while, it’s nice to sit back and let a guy feel like a “real man” and do your dirty work for you. Whether we’re sweating our butt off hefting air conditioners into your bedroom window or carrying heavy cases of bottled water from the car to the house, dudes are not above getting grimy for your affection.

2. Our constant desire to have sex with you has got to be good for your ego
Maybe our attempts to have quickies before you run out the door for work aren’t exactly romantic, but what can we say, you drive us wild! What could be a better boost for your self-image than a dude who wants to spend as much time as humanly possible in the presence of your nakedness?

3. We’ll never tell you that you look fat in those jeans
No matter how many times you ask or what size they are, the answer will always be unilaterally, unequivocally NO.

4. We’re easy to please
Fancy dinners? Pricey presents? Save your dough. To bring a big smile to your fella’s face, follow this simple equation: One beer + one couch = happy man.

5. We keep you up to date on all the latest gadgets
You don’t want a TV set bigger than your dining-room table? Fine, but we’ll let you know when your computer is hopelessly outdated and which new cell phone doubles as an MP3, takes pictures, and reminds you to call your mom on her birthday all at the same time. It’s like having your own personal electronics consultant—for free!

6. You can squeeze our arms as hard as you like during the scary parts of movies
And aside from making great stress squeeze balls at the multiplex, we’re also good to call in the middle of the night when you think you hear some gigantic mouse sneaking around downstairs. No man will say no to a late-night trip to your place because (a) We care about you and want to make sure you’re OK and (b) The potential for sex is way too high to pass up.

7. Our old college T-shirts are the most comfortable pajamas in the universe
See? There’s a very good reason that we refuse to throw them out.

8. We make you laugh your butt off
Sometimes, being an overgrown three-year-old has its benefits, like all the weird website links we forward you to break up your boring day at work.

9. Whenever you’re upset about work, our response is always, “Your boss is an f-ing idiot.”
Dudes see things in black and white. We’re not all about understanding the subtleties and layers of an argument. If you’re having problems at your job, we won’t play psychoanalyst and try to get to the root of the problem. We won’t try to figure out if you are doing anything to make the situation worse: If your boss is pissing you off, your boss is obviously a jerk and doesn’t deserve to have you onboard.

10. We nearly always make the first move
Asking someone out, leaning in for that first kiss—all instances that can result in ego-destroying rejection. But even the meekest of men are willing to take the risk when a beauty like you steps into our lives. So sit back and enjoy watching us tremble.

PART TWO:

Guys: Give thanks for women! By Nina Malkin

Sure, we can be a pain in the butt sometimes. Sure, there’s the nagging, the nosiness, the PMS mood swings and those easily injured feelings. But guys, think for a moment about all the wonderful things we ladies do. From the pains we take to be aesthetically pleasing to how we kiss it and make it all better, we women do rock. Let us count the ways!

1. Like it or not, we groom you for a real relationship
Whether it’s the mom who taught you to respect us, the sister who told you our secrets, or even the last girl who dumped you because you weren't ready to settle down, the women in your life help to shape you into the best man you can possibly be. So that when you meet The One, you’ll be ready, willing and able.

2. We’re sympathetic
Before we try to solve the problem (as men tend to do), we acknowledge it. We say things like: “That must have hard for you seeing your friend get the promotion instead of you—how do you feel about it?” It may not seem like much, but a world without women’s compassion and understanding would be a pretty cold place.

3. We’re extraordinary ego-boosters
If it seems as though women are forever fishing for compliments, it’s because they’re nice to hear, especially when they’re sincere. That’s why we dole them out—about how handsome you look in that suit, how awesome you are at air hockey, how mind-blowing you are in bed, et cetera.

4. We’re soft
Soft hair, soft lips, soft skin… and so forth. All in all, it’s a pretty huggable package.

5. We keep your social life hopping
Before there were Palm Pilots, there were women. We organize, we schedule, we remember. Admit it—you get out a whole lot more and have a more interesting life when you’re dating someone who wants to do something besides sit home and watch TV all the time.

6. We listen
The stereotype of woman as chatterbox is unfair. OK, scratch that—we do love to talk. But not in a vacuum. That’s why we’re always urging you to talk; we believe in communication and that means we want to listen, too. Go ahead, open up—tell us what you were like as a little kid and how you plan to save the world.

7. We have a civilizing influence
Yes, you probably could survive in a bachelor pad adorned with nothing but a TV and a six-pack in the fridge. But once a woman enters the picture, prepare to see some improvements even if you’re not living together yet. Due to our nest-feathering instincts, we strategically place pillows, search for thick, absorbent bath towels, and not only use sheets but change them regularly. Ahhhh!

8. We inspire you to shoot for gold
Think it’s an accident the Muses were all women? Somebody’s got to encourage your rock opera, psyche you up before that job interview, and root for your basketball team. We do it because we recognize your potential and know you can achieve your goals. And we want to cheer you on.

9. We make worthy opponents
Yeah, yeah, we’re soft and sweet most of the time. But engage us in battle, and we will tear your #%$^@ing head off. So be thankful — be very, very thankful — that we like you right now.

10. If you want kids someday, we’re usually willing to have them
And the labor pains. And the stretch marks. And in between, the periods. You’re welcome.

friendship?

2007-10-07T22:15:00.000+08:00

What we feel when we meet a new person, is like opening a new page of a book. Eager to know what he/she is all about, excited about the wonderful and enjoyable activities we're going to share with one another, and so on. But what we fail to realise is the negative side. Its a 50-50 thing. It could be good, it could be bad. Definitly you open the page thinking and praying for something new and good to happen. That is what i did. That is what i thought i did. But what i failed to realise is that "all good things do come to an end". Nothing stays the way its supposed to be, or nothing will ever be like how it used to be. Similarly the mind and the feelings of a human being.

What we expect of friendship regardless of the time spend or the amount of time we share with each other, is just another form of support. Will there be anyone behind our back? Will there be someone for us to share both our happiness and sadness? That is the question we ask ourselves day by day hoping that every little believe we have in our friendship actually works out. We pray each and everyday for our friends, we hope for the best, we give all we have as a sign of sharing and caring, we are always there by their side, but the question is whether or not they will follow your back when you leave? or will they just leave you alone, while you walk that lonely road?

Whether we realise it or not, our actions, one by one shows how much we believe in friendship. FRIENDS ARE NOT PEOPLE YOU JUST SHARE LAUGHTER AND JOY WITH, AND FRIENDS ARE NOT PEOPLE WHO ARE BENEFITIAL TO YOU. FRIENDS ARE THOSE WHO STAND BY YOUR SIDE, AND KNOW YOUR CAPABILITIES REGARDLESS OF WHAT THE WORLD HAS TO SAY ABOUT YOU. FRIENDS ARE THOSE WHO YOU SHARE ALL YOUR HAPPINESS, SADNESS, WORRIES AND ANGER WITH. FRIENDS ARE THE CLOSEST YOU CAN HAVE TO YOU, WHOM YOU CAN SHARE EVERYTHING UNDER THE SUN WITH.

I believe strongly in this proverb: "Friends come and go in life, but only true friends leave footsteps in ur heart".

Worries, killing me bit by bit~

2007-09-30T03:05:00.000+08:00

here i'm sitting again by the window, thinking about what has happened lately in my life, and what is about to happen. My grandmother(paternal) has been diagnosed with 2nd stage skin cancer and she will be undergoing a surgery to remove the cancer cells today at 7.30am. Its 3am and i can barely get any sleep. I'm so worried about what is going to happen. I've not seen her eversince the cancer was diagnosed, and now she's aalready getting ready for surgery, and i'm still here, have not seen her yet. All i'm doing is thinking blankly about what is about to happen. I'm worried, i cant deny it. I'm a human being, and i guess its normal. I'm worried, but at the same time i'm feeling optimistic, hoping for the best to happen. I hope everything goes well! I hope everything goes well. Oh God, please, i'm hoping for the best to happen, i hope she recovers and i hope to see her soon. I hope this small request will be fulfilled. I also hope my family will be doing well in this situation too.

2007-09-23T17:00:00.000+08:00

he i sit, thinking more and more about what will happen this week, as i am officially going to have a very eventful week. whether i'm going to ike it or not is secondary, the question now is whether i can face everything all at once. strength is something we think we have before we face something, but you just dont know how much it will kill you as you face every step. Events of the week:

Sunday: Biochemistry Lab Report, Gotta study for Biochem Lab Finals. Entrepreneur Assignment.

Monday: Pass up Biochemistry Lab Report, Genetics Lab Class, Entrepreneur assignment.

Tuesday: Biochemistry Lab Exam

the essence of my life...

2007-09-13T20:48:00.000+08:00

going on a flash back. That is what has been going on in my mind these past few days. Thinking a lot about how things used to be, how perfect i thought my life was. Never have i ever thought in my entire life, i'd be one day sitting down next to the window thinking of the past, and to cherish all those good times, hahaha... really funny. Sometimes i wonder if i actually appreciated what i had. Never have i felt so much regret in my life, but now, i am. Sitting here wondering every bit of my life.

All i remember was the laughter, the love we had between us. I dont know what it was, but the chemisry was good. Thinking over and over again about you and all those that made my life so eventful. Thank you. Cause all those happiness i had, all the feeling i felt, all the beautiful memories, all that you've all given me, is what drives me these days. Never have i felt so much pain in my life. Never have i cried this much before. All i do is regret, why didnt i cherish those great moments i had earlier in my life.

Its not just the people, but am trying to adapt to the environment. I miss what i used to have. I miss what we had. I am missing everyone, and every bit of happiness i used to have. I miss all of it! Now i wish for it all to come back.

Will it?

just hopes....just hopes and dreamzz....

when everything seems so wrong...

2007-09-09T15:43:00.000+08:00

Life. Something i often write about in my blog. Something i always tend to discuss about with friends and family. Its an evolving thing, An evolving circle. Nothing stays the same. Everything changes in a blink of an eye. And that is when u realise who actually is telling the truth, and who lies. Things never seem to stay the same. As we grow, we tend to learn more and more about the career we've chosen to run, the people we've chosen to love, and the life we've chosen to live. We make choices, but rarely we get to decide, whether or not it is for the best, or its just another step of life. We choose, considering the best and worst options we have in life, and we decide to take the road that matches the situation and mood. We pass through that road, shockingly we find obstacles, that we sometimes think can be avoided. But being strong, optimistic and determined human beings, we tend to put out head up and go with the flow. Yes, we do look back and wonder what if we took the other road, the road not taken? What would life be on the other side? Curiosity kills the cat, but the hurdles we pass through in a ourney, makes us stronger and allows us to complete it. Thats what we do, Thats what we are supposed to do.

Realising my obligations and responsibilities, i do act according to situations, i do analyze and think it out before i take any actions, as it could not only affect me, but affect the people i love. But sometimes, i seem to need that little guidance and support. I need to have that extra push... which i seem to lack when i am all alone. The people who are here on earth to give me support are just not by my side. i NEED to learn how to manage this. I have to grow up. But how? Is it another trial and error process?

just questions....

But, i'm finding for answers.....

life : both tough and fun~ ;)

2007-08-31T09:36:00.000+08:00

Wokay... life has been pretty eventful and interesting lately. UpDaTeZ!

~ Chapter One: Exams!~

* Genetics exam was no so great. The lecturer(Prof. Itam Sulaiman-just gotta state his name) apparently said that the questions will be MCQ(Multiple choice questions) but, at the end of the day, it wasn't! There were subjective questions. I wasn't shocked la, thank god i studied.

SCORE: 74/100 HIGHEST: 87/100 CONCLUSION: CUKUP MAKAN LOR!

* Chemistry Quiz: Chapter 4, a chapter i can never seem to like i think. But since its a quiz and it only contributes one mark to the final exams, there will oni be one question. And walla, the question that my tutor gave as a quiz was one of the questions from our tutorial.

SCORE: 10/10 HIGHEST: 10/10 (MANY PPL GOT THAT, NO BIGGY)

* Biochemistry quiz. Biochemistry is one of the toughest paperz, so much of memorising to do, just so impossible to remember everything last minute. Wasn't very prepared for this paper, but thank god, the Lecturer Dr. Normi Yahaya kept to her words, everything was MCQ. The paper was okla, but doubt i can get full marks... i see mistakes already!

SCORE: NOT OUT YET

* Upcoming exams:
# Chemistry Quiz: 6/9/07 => Chapter 5 :'(
# Chemistry Exam: 7/9/07 => Chapter 1-5 :'(
# Genetics Test : 18/9/07 => DNA!!!

~ Chapter Two : Major Events!~

* 26/07/08: Interaction Day- Persatuan Kebudayaan India USM(Penang)

#PART ONE: MORNING SESSION
=> Games! All the first years were invited for some activities early in the morning. The games were really good and fun. It made us bond with each other, cause there are quite many of us who don't really know the whole lot of students. They had treasure hunt i think(which i missed due to some matters:P), followed by making the tallest building with straws, quizes, and etc. Was really good, as the only way for a team to win is for them to work together as a team. At the end, my team won 2 games. Two hampers were awarded to us, one for the gals, one for the guys. The gals will be having our partee this tuesday!! can't wait! come join k... ;D

#PART TWO: MALAM INTERAKSI/ INTERACTION NIGHT!
=> All seniors and juniors were involved in this. Was really nice, one look at the hall, you can already imagine how much work was put in. From the kolam, to the stage, to the lightings! Absolutely magnificent. Okay the not so nice part, My dance was the first dance performance! Crazy!! Freaky! Hahaha,,,but we got through it well.... okay i know you must be thinking, SHARMINI? Dancing? hahahahaha....i know but i'm done with it. So sorry if it was awful! hahahaha...i tried k.. unlike some :P!my pals said it was good, and cute..lol.. aisya thinks it was funny..she never saw me like dat before..ahahaha!! But i must say i enjoyed the dance la, the practice was fun. i met new people, and my choreographer, Senior Virus was cool too! Addition to that, i exercised! lol...am so into losing wieght now, but the right way k...no tablets, no chemicals! Okay, back to the function. The dances after mine was so great too. Loved all of 'em. Finally i thanked most of the seniors la, cause they made such a great event specially for us. Cheerz and Thanks to them!

~ Chapter Three : Life In Uni!~

* Life is not easy in university i must say, people tend to change with time. You just never seem to know who you should trust and who you shouldn't. People are always busy listening to what other people say about you, but they never seem to understand that in friendship, if you're not true to each other, then there is no friendship at all. But, i can't always say this, because as far as i'm concern that is my definition of friendship, just wonder whats theirs. I am vulnerable at times. I tend to be easily hurt by these things. But thank god i've got friends like Kalavathi, who always seems to think the same way as me. I'm always so thankful to God for making me meet her. She is such a good advisor and listener, and i'm ever so grateful to her. Thanks Kala!

* Besides that, i've my fair share of fun. hehehehe, recently wet to Queensbay Mall, just like another one utama, but One utama Rox! hahahaha, Thanks to Suren who was ever so nice to drive us all there, with a charge of RM 5 for petrol! Thanks Suren.

* Am ever so grateful to Subashini too, she always seems to have things that i dont! hahahaha, thanks for the choker set and all that i needed for Malam Interaksi.

* And finally thana, dont worry gal, am fine, she got so worried the other day when i was having fever. So cute la she.

Thats all for now peepzz, catch ya'll soon.

Cheerzzz!!!

ps: i'm missing my KL friends so badly!! Peepzz how are u all doing? Hope you're all doing well! Remember, there's always someone here who thinks of u! Dats definitly me! ;)

things are getting tough...

2007-08-12T10:13:00.000+08:00

back again this time, had to attend my cousin's 21st b'day. The party was great, met people i never thought i would meet, spoke to people i never thought i would get to speak to...ehmm... hahahaha... but it was good...his b'day cake was like a dirty indulgence alright....pure chocolate cake..with chocolate icing, and caramel...omg...so sweet yet so tempting!! but sadly, i had to stop at one piece, as it was too sweet...ahahaha...

worried abt exams, they;re coming up the week after next. Tension is mounting, just hope i do well.

otherwise, nuthin much... sorry la no mood la to blog.. :(

byezz

August Updates!

2007-08-05T10:30:00.000+08:00

~ came back this weekend-missing family too much :P
~ life is hectic, assignments, tests, notes, etc...killing me!!!
~ missing my pals too much, not bringing lappie back to penang anytime soon, so kenot chat...:(
~ just finished my variasiswa,some function where juniors must perform-i sang!& it didnt rain
~ have got 2 exams coming up in 2 weeks time! must study, study, Study, StUdY...STUDY!!
~ hope i can make it to my cousin's 21st b'day this coming saturday!! Woo Hoo...
~ Am going to perform in this Malam Interaksi by the indian society! Die...Dancing...i just can't!
~ Lab reports are killing me!Discussion questions are research questions. Library doesnt always help!
~ People in penang, so different. Well, so much more different than in kay elle...adapting to it...but aint gonna change!
~ This is the beginning of the 2nd month of semester 1, and am already half dead! HELP!
~ Hoping the best for Bro, SPM coming.
~ Hoping the best for sis too, UPSR!
~ Praying the best for everyone!
~ Need help especially when it comes to time management. Time flies! and my leacturer has finished 5 chapters! in a month!
~ Where am i? Just started a lil revision! Predict my state!
~ Wondering how my pals are doing? Ash i reli wanna see you b4 u leave! Hope to see you soon!! Kas is enjoying indon, good luck to kalai...and viwa, bare with kubang kerian k, everything will be fine. Nat i miss u so much, and sorry for not loading u with info abt me going to uni and all....RACH!! Hope sarawak is treating u well!! wanna c u soon too!! hmmm... dharry!!! Are you in india? Updates gal!!! Ezreena...how abt u? wats up?ok...i better stop...to the rest of u guys and gals whose names are not stated, trust me u mean a lot too me too ;P hope u are all doing well!!

gtg, leaving today at 12!

muaxx

updates~

2007-07-14T16:26:00.000+08:00

okay, i know its been 3 weeks plus since i actually wrote something here. Well i've been really busy with university and all. I left for Penang on the 29th of June, stayed one night with my family in the hotel, then the next day, checked into my hotel(hostel i mean:P). Was really happy to meet my roommate, really nice girl from Kulim Kedah(so near rite?). Her name is Thanaletchumi. She's doing SASPEN(Sastera Pendidikan). Was nice to meet her family all there, very warm and friendly people. Thank God i got a great roommate. Registration and all went well, thanks to the PPMS(senior students who help first yr students with registration and stuff), filled forms, got my room key, started unloading my things and all. Then that evening, we had a talk to attend and all, was interesting. I was really shocked with the size of the campus, its huge. Its like the university town! hahahahaha...so big and the only form of transportation within the campus is your dear legs! hahahaha...walked all around that place. Later than day, i met another girl, Subashini, who coincidentally was doing the same course as me. Hooray! Really nice girl, really bold but extrememly friendly.

And the unbelievable Kalavathi, who apparently is my friend's friend..lol...subash's friend. Really cool, down-to-earth human being!! Love her jokes, and love her warmth! You rock gal!!

The three gals that make my day in uni! And yeah, there are the other people who make my day equally interesting...hehehehe...ratna, rathi, subashini(reena), selestin, renukka, AISYAH!!, ashraff, suren, and ETC! lol...list is never ending, cause no matter where we are, when we bump into each other, there will always be smiles and hellos!

Orientation week was the tiring week of all...activities round the clock, was really tiring, but we got to know uni inside out, well at least the mere basics :D

Second week was rather calm compared to the first one, lectures started, so we were off to classes and all. Tutorial rooms, lectures theaters and all are like scattered all around the campus. Walked here and there, wow! But the climax of all was the ragging thing. OMG! SCARY! we were avoiding seniors like nobody's business. man, and guess what, this is going to go on for abt 2 months!! NOT 2 WEEKS BUT 2 MONTHS! i know, time flies, but when it comes to things like this, its not moving so fast afterall! Lectures are really serious la, so fast, we almost finished a chapter a day! scary, but true! Got loads of studying to do!

Besides that, am just home sick. Am back home rite now actually, but leaving again tomolo. Wont be back next week end either. But its good la, thanks to handphones, i can communicate wif my family often! love ya'll

dats all for now, gtg to aunt;s hse.

Take carezz

worries...within happiness and excitement

2007-06-22T01:22:00.000+08:00

As you're all aware of, i got into University and i'll be doing Applied Science(Biotechnology). Am happy, and that has always been my favourite university, it was the place where my dad studied, and he completed his degree there, after i was born. I still remember, he took me on a tour around the campus, and as a child i told him, that one day i would be here, in this same university. Wallah, i'm going there. As soon as i got the results, my family were all so happy for me. It was important for them to see me go to the university. Happiness filled the environment. But, suddenly, my dad said,"Sharu, we'll really miss you". It striked me real hard. I;ve always been with my family, and there was never a time, we'd separate. We were always together. It was a rule in my house, that we must always sit and eat our meals together, especially dinner. We were never separated from that, and i must say up to today, i look forward for dinner, not for the food, but just for that friendly jovial conversation we always have during dinner. I will definitly miss those.

However, it is important for me to spread my wings and find my own way towards success. I have to start being independant, not only when it comes to handling things personally, but also to be able to stand strong on my two feet physically, emotionally, and psychology. I have to learn to stand up for myself. I have to be able to manage things for myself. I have to be independant! And that is why i am leaving.

I know to some, this might seem weird, and you might think i'm a spoil brat or sumthin, but the truth is that, i am not spoilt. I do all my chores myself, i handle things myself, but i always tend to turn back to my family and friends for support. And now, i have to stand alone, and i have to show the world, what "Sharmini" is all about.

Its going to be tough, yes! But its not impossible!

The toughest thing for me right now, is accepting the fact that i'll be separated from my family and friends for a certain period of time, which apparently might fly really fast!

To my family,

Thanks for all the support and guidance you;ve given me. Everything you showed, from the daily practise of life, to the obstacles of life, you have showed me with love. And that will be my guide towards succeeding my dreams. Yes, what is a family without ups and downs, but i must say i have learnt a lot from all these. Love never fades when it comes to family. I hope i'll make you proud.

To my friends,

Thanks for being such great friends. I;ve never thought in my entire life, my friends would make such a huge impact in my life. Now, i must admit, what would my life be without u all.. you are definitly the spice of my life. Thanks for all the support. I know, it sounds mushy and all..hahahah..but its hard, as we all have to go on our separate routes. I just hope what we have, lasts for ever.

Good luck in all your future undertakings.

sometimes, good things come in various ways

2007-06-18T20:23:00.001+08:00

I am proud to say i'm officially going to university! yay! University Sains Malaysia, course: applied science...i'm going to major in biotechnology! ok..that news made my day! i've always wanted to go to USM!

I cant continue this post right now, lol...feeling too restless!! hahahaha...will update more soon.

ps: granny is doing fine..she's at my place now...am taking care of her!! hehehehe...good to c her mush better now, although she feels kinda bad and all...come on she's done so much for me... the help i'm providing is nothing compared to what she's done for me!

My 101th blog entry!!

2007-06-14T23:55:00.000+08:00

yea, that's right! i cant believe I've actually achieved this..100 entries...wow...i guess u all might know me well enough now...hahahaha...i'm growing up with this blog...and i must say, life has been really eventful, and I'm happy to say, these blog entries, do keep me on my feet. It reminds me of the sweet and joyful moments that occurred in my life, and it reminds me of those bitter and sad moments, just making me a little stronger than my usual self, day by day!

Lately, I've been writing a lot about an influential human being, a soul that has been in my life ever since birth, a person who has always been there, during the good and the bad, and a person who has been the role model to all of us, as a kind and loving human being. That is my grandmother. My love for her can;t be defined. It's so different. I can't explain the feeling i have for her. But i must say, that feeling makes me cherish her! And i will till then end of time!

My grandmother had a traumatic accident two days ago, causing her to fracture her thigh bone(femur), and after a 1 1/2 hr operation, her recovery is showing a positive response. In my earlier posts, i also included the other conditions that made the doctors unhappy, such as her lung infection. And I'm happy to say now that, test has been done, and the doctors are sure that the infection is just a minor one, and is being cured with antibiotics. Thanks for that, Thank you God! I'm happy for her, as she is well, all that she;s facing now, is a broken leg, which will be cured too, just might take some time.

You know that popular saying, "patience is a virtue". It really fits this context now. Patience is all that is needed for my grandmother to get back on her two feet.

God is great!

Thank you.

praying and hoping for the best...

2007-06-14T01:00:00.000+08:00

last night, my grandmother had an operation, it took an hour and a half, and she was on epidural(where they numb the areas which will be operated, but the patient stays conscious and awake). Thw operation went well, but there were worries, my grandmother's osteoporosis has gotten worst, and the operation might not make her cure 100% as she used to be. According to the doctor, she will be able to get on her two leg, but not as long as last time, she cant put too much weight on her leg, and the recovery period will be long, at least 3/4 months, due to her age. Besides that, there were some concerns over her lung and all, which the doctors are treating with antibiotics and all. Besides that, the doctors think that she'll be fine, and that it just might take a little more time for her to heal completely.

she was in the ICU for about 12 hrs, after which she was transfered to the normal ward. I made 4 trips to the hospital today, once in the mornin to keep her company, once in the afternoon for lunch(i fed my granny, and it made me realise, how much it means to her when i spend time with her), then during dinner, and last before saying good night. The nurses have been really friendly and helpful.

all we do now is keep her company. we spend time with her, make her forget her porblems, but most importantly, we are trying to make her realise how much we love her, and that we;re here for her. We want her to understand that at this moment, nuthing means as much as seing her heal without sufferings. I hope and pray she'll be alright.

ps: rach, dont worry. My granny is fine. Thanks for ur concern. It makes me feel special, to have someone like you by my side. Hope to see you soon. Take care and thanks for being a great friend.

everything is so unpredictable...

2007-06-12T16:50:00.000+08:00

It was a weird night, was rolling all over the bed, thinking about the exciting things, as well as the worries of life, which i always tend to think at night, before i shut my eyes. There it was, something that told me life isnt going to be as good as it seems, i was worried, but as an optimistic human being, i ignored every guilt and worry that haunted me at that moment.

I woke up say around 5am, started rolling all over again on bed. Thinking about whata a wonderful day i might have at work, and how nice it would be to meet the aussie boss that i've heard so much about. Snap! and i woke up, rushed to the kitchen, and found my grandmother near the toilet, holding the door tight. I rushed to her, thinking of helping her up...and she just couldnt...i grabbed a chair, made her sit, and she said her leg is swolen, and that she couldnt bare the pain. The first thing that struck my confused head, was to take my grandmother to the hospital, but she couldnt move, all she could do is stay still on that chair. She was crying, not because of the pain, but she felt like burden, which i have never wanted her to feel! I kept telling her, what is the meaning of life, if i dont help the people who i love and care about deeply. We had our short moment, then i told her, the last thing we would want to do is to hurt her, and all i could ask her is for her to stay strong through out this whole process. My mother called my aunt, and told her what had happened, and my mum suggested to call the ambulance. My aunt agreed. We called the ambulance, and they came.

The flash of light when the ambulance arrived, hit me drastically. I've never pictured that at all. We had to carry my grandmother using a strecher. I helped them carry her to the ambulance. And then came the most chalenging part, "Is there anyone who is going to follow this lady to the hospital?" There i stood. My mum couldnt get into the van, as she is a polio patient herself, so i had to get into the ambulance. i was nervous, but i remembered, i am there for my grandmother, and there i was holding her hands through out the whole journey. They asked for her name, and all the details required. For a moment, i had to take actions that i;ve never actually done. I had to register my grandmother, then settle the ambulance stuff...that was tough i must say, as i was fragile at that point.

My grandmother has always been a strong and tough person. No one can stand that much of pain, without complaining. She did shed some tears, but never had she opened her mouth to complain. She is 70. To some that might be old, but honestly, when u look at what she does for us, you'll never believe her age. She took care of all 13 grandchildren, from birth till the age of 5. And now to see her bed ridden, with so much of pain, makes me wonder, why doesnt God help? Why doesnt he help people when they are in need? What sort of a torture is this?

My grandmother will be going for an operation today at 7pm. And all i'm wishing for at this moment, is for her to have the least amount of pain, and for her to stand on her two legs as soon as possible. And i hope,with God's kindness, my grandmother will be able to have a fast recovery. We hope and pray for the best! We all love you!

appreciation...

2007-06-09T16:50:00.000+08:00

Something we lack in this modern era. We tend to take every advantage that comes along out way, but we never seem to take a moment to thank those who helped us along the way. We walk in a lonely road, we worry about robbery and theft, but once we've passed that horrifying obstacle, we never seem to take a moment to thank God, for keeping us safe under his wings. Similarly, when a friend helps us, whether with homework or any other problems, we fail to show gratitude, we fail to make that helpful person realise how much they've helped us make our lives easier. Why is that?

What would this world be, if everyone took these good and kind hearted people for granted? What would these people feel, despite trying to help the needy? Why are we so dogmatic and never seem to understand what life is all about? Simple, why are we so self centered and selfish? Why won't we cherish the good things in life and be thankful?

Just questions, that we always seem to avoid, and seem to answer only based on the moral values we've learnt and not what we've practised as a human being. Sad, and devastating.

Take a moment to think. Take a moment to see your ability and what you can contribute to the world. If you can't contribute anything, then just take a moment to thank those who have contributed to your success and made your life more meaningful, as no one on this earth stands alone!

Everything ends in a blink of an eye..

2007-06-06T23:17:00.000+08:00

As we grow up, we learn the definition of a few words, that will always be a guide for us, to enhance further our understanding of life. One of them is "trust". We grew up learning what trust is. In school, when a teacher elects you as a prefect, you know she trusts your ability to shine as a leader; when she gives you homework or assignments, she knows you are capable of completing it successfully. Similarly at home, when your parents have a meeting to attend, and the baby-sitter isn't around, they turn to you to take care of the younger sibling, and that is definitly because they trust your ability to do what has been instructed.

Slowly you realise, what is life without trust. We live in this country, with trust that the rulers will maintain peace and harmony. We buy food from a stall, trusting the cook to make a clean and delicious meal for us. Everything evolves around trust. What happens when the trust is lost?

We grew up trusting ourselves, remembering every obligation we have, and making sure we do what we have to do, and make decisions when we have to. But, at some point of time, we will start trusting others. Others in this context means a third party, an outsider, that has never been a part of out life ever since birth. Trusting a person can be difficult, it is never easy to trust someone we dont know head to toe about. But its never impossible. For some, it might take a month or two, whereas for other, it might take years.

When we trust that person, we share. We share everything that runs in our mind, we share our pain and sorrow, we share the sweet happy moments that we cherish, and the bitter moments we wish to forget. It builds with time. And when there is something wrong, we support and work together, as we have already built that trust. But, does this mean we should disclose the truth, does it mean we must ignore the mistakes and errors that have occured, just because we trust this person? Is it a crime to reveal the truth? Or is it just an ethic we have to practise?

And when we decide to reveal the truth, why does this trust disappear? Why does it end so fast? It takes years to build it, but a second to destroy it?

something to ponder about....

why trust fades....

~~HuRT DeeP iNSiDe~~

2007-05-27T23:17:00.001+08:00

I know, this isn't something new, i always relate my life to this, but isn't there a limit to everything? How long must i suffer with this? How long do i have to bite my teeth and just ignore these people and move on? Yes, i have to ignore, and move on. But how much can you ignore? In this sophisticated world, what people say and their comments actually do matter! From university application to job applications, everything requires a testimonial, or just comments from a third party who might know little about what is known as "your world". And the best part is that, whatever they say is the truth! Why is that?

We all have the same dream, but with different outcomes. We want success, but that depends on the individuals definition of success, Your success could be being a good and well known doctor, whereas my definition of success, could be just having a normal life...no worries, just a smooth going one. But, why does the world look at it in the wrong way. Nowadays, its nothing surprising, people judge each other by the amount of cash they have in their wallet, the number of credit cards they can afford, the amount in their bank account. Nothing new huh? But isnt there a better meaning to life?

I'm hurt! I know the intro seems really dramatic and all, but i'm hurt. I hate it when people take actions in their own hands, i hate people jumping to conclusions, when they know nothing about me...its sick! How come people never seem to appreciate? You know the saying ,"the more you give, the more you get", totally doesnt apply in this situation. I worked hard, pleased you in many ways, made sacrifices, and what i get are all negative responses. My effort is never appreciated, the sacrifices made are just worthless to you, basically you barely take note of what i've done. I care a damn about recognition, but please, making mean remarks isnt a good way of saying thanks!

Life is too chort to be spent this way, every step we take, has an impact that never can be deleted or removed. Whether good or bad, it makes us stronger, and that is what i;ve taken this bitter memories to be. Just another life lesson. A life lesson that will always be marked in me, as i'll never wnat to go through it again...

Let it just be another passing cloud.......

Memories~

2007-05-27T23:17:00.000+08:00

I stepped into this world, always thought it was for the best. Going around, exploring this wonderful and dangerous world, i realise that i shape my world, i shape my life. Staying from a "papan" house to a brick house, experiencing life kampung style to life in the town, learning from A B C to making words and sentences...WOW! that's a progress alright! But i never grew internally. What i mean is i never actually knew what i'm capable of doing. I was living on this wonderful place without learning the little capabilities i have in me. I studies like everyone else, i did play and yea, life was without worries. But ever since i step foot in this special place, it was a new beginning for me. I met people know wanted to know me more than just knowing my name, I met people who helped me discover my inner self, I met people who were willing to give me a chance to express myself, whether good or bad, i've experienced it! Life earlier on was very predictable. Never stood out in the crowd, always had my own business to solve, never actually thought of my capability. But now, here i am standing strong with people who want to see me progress, want to see the “new” me, the bold girl who is willing to face the world!

Yesterday was a very memorable day for me. Mr. Latun gave us a treat at the “rotating” restaurant in KL Tower! It was so cool, it was my first visit to that well known tower. Yea, I was proud! It was such a nice place. There were plenty of food, and I loved the desert section best! Indulged in some chocolate fudge cake…yummy!! That made my day. It was so nice of him to spend so much on us. Never knew such dedicated and loving teachers our parents used to have actually exists in this rather dogmatic era! LOL…but yea it was good. Thanks Mr. Latun. Lol…doubt he reads my blog though! Hahahaha

Then we went to Berjaya Time Square. It was really nice and cold inside!! Lol..yea I guess that’s the disadvantage of wearing a skirt…u freeze! Hahahaha..but it was fun, we watched POTC….well it was okla..not that great..lol..okay we’re entitled to our own opinions! I still love the first one!! After the movie, we headed back home. Kasthuri was so nice, she actually sent me back home. So sweet of her. Thanks Kas!! I must say the ride home was good..lol..kalai’s laughter, chee guan’s brains which never seems to forget science, viwa’s “govinda govinda”, and kasthuri’s sudden shock driving..LOL…was really cool!!

Lovely day!! To all my pals and teachers out there…You don’t know how much u mean to me. I cherish every sweet memory that I’ve had with you. Thanks for accepting me the way I am. I hope this sweet bond between us lasts for eternity!

cheerzz

sadness haunts, even when we're laughing loud...

2007-05-23T22:25:00.003+08:00

Sometimes i wonder, why good things come to an end. Happiness never seems to last long. Sadness sinks in faster than lightning at times. hmmm...

We have passion. We love. Thats what we do. But why does this passion and love fade away? What is it that we've forgotten? What was our wrong move? Why won't we accept things the way they are and move on? Are we destroying every little bits and pieces of our life, or are we just securing a much better life? Why are there repeated questions of whether or not what we're going through is worth it? Why is it that, a wrong move i make destroys everything?

Am scared of time, its just moving too fast. I'm losing behind....I dont think i can keep up with it!! Why does everything end just in a blink of an eye? I cherished those beautiful moments i had, and now I'm yearning for more. I am not satisfied. I want more.

Life is never easy, even Albest Einstein said it was hard. But how hard is it? Will it be any harder? How much harder must i work to achieve "a beautiful life"? Worries after worries, some necessary, some unnecessary, some just to keep our mind at peace!

ps:
Teacher's day was good. Got to see my friends, and my lovely teacherz. I hope they like what we got them. Miss those beautiful days in school. Nothing beats that feeling and happiness we had! Love them all!! Muaxx...LOL

HAPPY TEACHER'S DAY!!

Perpisahan- Anuar Zain

2007-05-23T22:25:00.002+08:00

Ku mengerti perpisahan ini
Bukan kerana kau membenci
Tapi kasih yang pernah ku beri
Tiada lagi bersama

Sering, kala aku terlihatkan mu
Impian nan indah bersulam bahagia

Ku harungi hari demi hari
Bersama wajah tak mungkin akan kembali
Tapi hati masih tak terima
Ditinggalkan sengsara

Keraguan ini bukanlah padamu
Perasaan hati masih rindu
Kekalutan ini hanyalah untukku
Tercari-cari bayanganmu
Tak sanggup aku kehilangan
Kehilanganmu…
Masih tercari-cari…

Keraguan ini bukanlah padamu
Masih tercari-cari bayanganmu
Tak sanggup aku kehilanganmu

i know...i dont go for malay songs, but i dunno...can relate to this song somehow..hmmm...

some things, just can't be explained!

2007-05-23T22:25:00.001+08:00

Lately, things have been pretty weird! Everything seems to be really different, and i don't know why, whether its good or bad, i'm accepting it the way it is, and just moving on. Okay, serious check! I'm never like that. I always stop and complain. I never accept things as they are, i always question! I asked a few people about it, and i must say the response i got were so similar, and it was " you're getting matured, You've understood the cycle of life, and that somethings are just meant to be accepted the way they are". Okay..i know so weird! I'm only freaking 20..dont talk to me abt being matured and all..hahahahaha..(Its just me not accepting the fact that indirectly they're talking abt my age!!)

Life is never easy, every head turn, just brings you closer to a new problem. My parents think that i'm always so close to what i want, but i just lack luck. Whether we like it or not, we never seem to realise that there is such a thing as luck. Whether we want to accept it or not, life on earth is mere luck! You plan ur future, you take all the necessary steps, but sumtimes some things are just out of ur control! Why is that? Regrets after regrets, we only wish for a small amount of luck, enough luck to push us through all the obstacles we're facing, whether exams, interview, etc.

As much as we love learning, we must pay tribute to those who actually made us learn, those who actually thought us what learning is all about, what the mind is, wow!! the tribute goes to out great teachers! well, i know its kinda weird, from life stories to teachers? what the heck? well its just me, my mind is never in one place!! wondering mind ;P hahahaha..well am pretty excited to go to school tomorrow after so long!! they're celebrating teacher's day tomorrow1! miss that sweet environment! ahahahaha...nuthing beats school life! Well, i'll never be here without them! the credit goes to them!

c ya!

the beauty of relationships~

2007-05-21T00:01:00.000+08:00

Okay, i know the title kinda gives the wrong impression. What i meant was the relationship between siblings, the relationship between my brother and I. Today my parents were out for some dinner, they're meeting up an old friend who just came down from Kuantan, Pahang...ye my lovely hometown! Well, so that left me and my brother at home....with my mum's Kelisa! Hahaha...are you thinking what i'm thinking? yea...we did take the opportunity to hang out together...isnt that classic! Well yea, we had dinner together...KFC!..lol..dunno why but all of a sudden, he was damn nice to me..lol..helping me la.. telling me how nice i am and all to spend time with him..lol...ok....so we had dinner, then we came back... we took our bath..then we went out again..lol...this time to one utama...went there for ice cream...baskin robbins!! lol...we took a scoop each...and drove all around taman tun and damansara perdana area..lol...driving, eating, blasting the radio, talking..lol...we actually did share sum secretzzz!!! can u believe dat? omg..it was weird! i never tell him stuff..coz at the end of the day it'll all come out! but this time he shared with me things that i never knew...ok..i know it is weird..but it did happen..lol!! it was fun la...i needed a day out so badly...and he made my day!! hahahahaha.,... hope he;s not reading this...lol..or not he'll just be floating rite now!!

otherwise, the day was pretty boring, was online, had a chat with sum of my frenzzz, and lydia got me jelly beans!!! omg...i've been craving for those like for so long!!! jelly beans...here i come!!

although the day was pretty eventful, deep inside me, i had a little sadness, as i was going through my files, cleaning up the documents, and defragmenting my lappie, i came across some pictures, my class picture (U6S1) and OB Night pix...wow...was reli good... am really missing school!! Really looking forward to this saturday!! meeting up with pals and classmates!! hope we have a great time at the luncheon!! love that name! BUFFET LUNCHEON! so sweet of mr.latun!

i miss school!! i wanna reunite!! i wanna hang out!!! come lets lepak ppl!! lets lepak b4 we all walk away to our different paths!

CRaZY BLoGGeR~

2007-05-19T20:16:00.000+08:00

okies..i know its been a while since i updated this blog..lol..ok..kasthuri already warning me d..lol...

Well, life has been pretty eventful lately. From mother's day, to work, to accounts classes, to hospital appointments, to 'lepaking' online after about 6 days of no chatting/blogging/friendstering...due to the stupid lightning that had to strike my modem, thus causing six days of life without the internet. LOL...sounds so dramatic, well that how life is without the internet, especially for people like me who depend on it so much!! :P okay, i can live without internet k...dont jump to conclusions!!

Whether we realise it or not, sometimes an eventful day is pretty good...not only do you use ur brains to the max, you also get a good amount of sleep at the end of the day..lol! Working actually opened up my eyes, i got to see how family can be when it comes to work:P hahahaha...i also experience office politics, which isnt as great as it sounds...and yea there are the clients, and all. Working for a company is like so different, with loads of deadlines, complaints, and misunderstanding.LOL...and guess wat i get orders from aussie..so its like we gotta communicate with him thru emails...haih..and australians just have problems with grammar..lol....their emails, are just terrible!! lol...

Lately i've been thinking a lot about school. I'm missing it even more right now. I miss those little chatters between friends, the gossips..(lol, yea we do gossip), the good talk and bad talk...the friendly smiles between friends, the jokes we had with some of the teachers, and the stress, and depression..lol..i know it was bad...but look back at it now, wasn't it all worth it? All the struggle, all the heartache, all the negative feedback...it finally paid off! I miss everyone...common peepzz...its the time to reunite!! coz after this, we're all be going on our own path...our own road towards success!! Wouldn't it be good if the whole school could just reunite for a day? awww...i reli want that!!

Currently, am addicted to grey's anatomy, and i think they're startin a new season of One Tree Hill...desperate housewives are okla..but nuthin like the first season. hmm...heroes is kinda cool too, so is prison break, but cant quite follow those two shows...lol...maybe sometime soon..

my mind is wondering! Milo ice by my side, and two chapatis in my stomach, wow...i'm full! Love simple dinnerz!!

Can't wait for this saturday!! lunch/tea with Mr. Latun. LOL...its a date alrite...i just confirmed with him dat i'll be attending the function. Can't wait, he was one of the best teacher we had... we used to joke in class, and to be honest, he never stressed us out, but some how or another, we actually make it a point to complete his work in time, wait!! this is weird...he must be using sum spell...lol..he never forced anyone..but yet we did it in time...why ar? lol... Those were the days....i hated colouring the graphs and all..lol...hahahahahaha...thanks to him i got an A...

Confused at the moment, going for a dinner tomolo...dunno wat to wear...i've just messed up my closet! lol...we all know, when there's a mess, there is cleaning up to do too... man...if only cleaning up was as easy as messing it up...lol!! crappy

dats all for now...i'm feeling normal today...no heartache/depression/sadness...lol..ok..i think i'm happy...but i'm not sure why...hmmm....

heartbroken alrite..lol

2007-05-08T23:16:00.002+08:00

Your Birthdate: April 29

You may watch someone from afar before you finally decide to make your move.

It takes a long time for you to develop an attraction to someone.

Generally, you prefer to pick who you love. Anyone who tries to rush you is in for some heartache.

Number of True Loves You'll Have: 3

Number of Times You'll Have Your Heart Broken: 5

You are most compatible with people born on the 2nd, 11th, 20th, and 29th of the month.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean For Your Love Life?

everlasting?

2007-05-08T23:16:00.001+08:00

There she stood by the window, waiting for his arrival. She has been feeling really low lately, thinking a lot about her relationship. Everything seemed so faint...she couldn't remember the last time she cuddled in his arms. Sudden glimpse on her past, when "love was in the air", all the cuddling that kept her warm, all the kisses that brought smiles on her face, all the support she got from him, physically and mentally. She missed all those. But she stayed strong. She stood by the window, looking out, finding for her man. She seemed anxious, she looked high and low, he wasn't there. Her face showed disappointment. She was determined that her love will come, will come to her. She went to the kitchen, grabbed a cup of coffee, sat comfortably in her velvet sofa. As she sipped her coffee, she was smiling. They were walking along the streets of Kuala Lumpur. It was a night of sharing. They talked, discussed, and discovered each other inside out. From the bad habits, to the likes and dislikes. They walked and talked. It was the time she enjoyed most, and that was when she realised how special he is, and how much she'd love to lean over his arms. She wanted a man, a man who could stand by her, a man who trusted her, and knew what she wanted. She never loved him for his money. nor his job, not even for gifts, chocolates, flowers, etc. All she wanted was a person to stand by her back, to celebrate when she's happy and to have her back when she falls. That was the day she decided, that he would be her man. That was their first date together. "Knock" "Knock", it was the door. she rushed and opened it, praying hard it was him. As soon as she saw him, she smiled, welcoming him into the house. he never bothered looking at her face, she was sad, but she made herself understand, that he was tired, and that he needed a break. She kept her smile, taking his coat, serving him a glass of water to quench is thirst. She made him dinner, but he declined. She tried being a little forceful about having dinner, he snapped and left the room. She was dissappointed once again, but she kept on smiling. As he was about to hit the bed, she approached him, asking him how was work and all, hoping to get a little attention that she's been waiting for ever since the day started. All he did was nod his head, and asked her to leave him, he wanted to sleep. She gave him another smile, tucked him to bed, and wished him good night. She left the room, and started tearing. It was their aniversary. She went to the kitchen, blew out the candles she used to decorate the kitchen, hoping to create a romantic environment, and she started throwing away all the food she had been preparing the night before. As she pushed the food prepared into the rubish bin, she remembered, she has been going through the same pain for the past 5 years, and they have been together for 6 yrs. All she could do is cry, and look at herself. She always blamed herself, she always told herself, dat the man she loves deserves someone much better than her, and she sumtimes feel so disgusted with herself. She cleared the dining table, and decided to hit the bed. She entered the room once again, there he was, the man she loves, lying on the bed, fast asleep. she washed her legs, and lied beside him. She whispered to his ears, "Happy Aniversary". She also whispered how much she loves him, and that she feels sad that he has lost all the interest he once had for her. Then she turned the other side, and closed her eyes.

The next morning, he found her lifeless on bed. She died.

Question: Is it love or lust?

Question: Is love actually everlasting?

Question: Why do we always blame ourselves?

Questions: Is this the meaning of life?

Just questions, without answers......

Believe in yourself, and love yourself, there is no one who can love u as much as u love yourself.

strength to live....how to build that?

2007-05-07T22:56:00.000+08:00

i went for a funeral yesterday. Funeral, a word we all fear whether we believe in God or not. Everything seems so black and sad, from the environment, to the people, to the plants. At that moment, it feels like the whole world is mourning. There i stood, curious, observing the procession, listening to the mantras, and i started chanting myself. There i stood praying for the best for everyone, especially for a friend of mine who has lost his source for comfort and guidance, his dear grandfather. This friend of mine lost his dad about 9 years ago, when he was in std. 5. His family was a very happy one, always so bubbly, we were very close to each other. we all used to meet up( his family and mine) and most of the time, we'd meet up for durian, cause his mum used to be the best "durian opener". When he lost his father, when his father who was a dear friend to my dad passed away, their grandfather was their source of comfort. He taught them, he loved them, he was like a dad to them. He was always there for them. It was hard, I could see it on his face, sadness, he lost both, a dear father and a grandfather. I caught a glimpse of him, he was strong, he stood strong, helping around to fulfill every need during the prayers and all, but he did break down when his grandfather was escorted into a van, that would take that innocent man's body to the crematorium. Looking at them cry, and letting that great man leave, hit me for a second, as to how much they're suffering with the loss.

Well to this great friend of mine and his family, i'm sorry for your lost. This is the cycle of life and i hope you'll all stay strong as this is just another hurdle we'll have to face in life!

stay strong my dear friend.

how long will you stand by me?

2007-05-04T23:07:00.001+08:00

Will love ever fade away? Will they realise what they mean to you? What are you to them?

Random questions that normally run in my mind. Sadly i've got no answers. I've always thought that life is sweet, although filled with loads of negative elements, it's still wonderful, cause we have the people we love by our sides. But have you ever thought how life will be when these people turn their backs at you? Have you ever thought that they might just give up one day and ignore you for the rest of ur life? Will there be anyone left to love and care for you as much as they have given you? How long will love last? should we prepare, so that we won;t be hurt? I cant prepare...cause i'm just too dependant on them...the love i have for these group of people that i love and care about are just too much for me to ignore, and prepare for the worst. But i wonder if they actually know...hmm...i wonder if they actually realise tat there is someone who actually prays for their well-being beyond themselves. I look really strong, hard-headed, bold person...but deep inside, my heart shatters too...i'm weak emotionally. It difficult for me to show affection, or love cause honestly its just the way i am...i dont know how to show love. Sometimes, its sad when people misunderstand my actions, as if i had no care and love for them...i bet this is a common problem, not too all but maybe just to some. So what do we do? how do we make ourselves show? why do people jump to conclusions? sometimes it kills us deep inside, just feels like running away! But where to? How long are we going to runaway from this? Will it heal through time? or will it be just another bitter memory that will haunt us for the rest of our lives? I make mistakes, we all do. But does this mean u should be blamed all the time, or you should be portrayed as the "bad person"? hmm...just questions without answers! hmmm...

love has no boundaries!

2007-05-02T13:16:00.001+08:00

This is what is portrayed in this movie, "Mozhi". "Mozhi" is a tamil word that means language. This is a simple, cute, entertaining and a heart warming movie that stresses the fact of human emotions beyond linguistic barriers. This movie will definitely win your hearts, and might even give you a new perspective to love and relationships. Denial, sacrifices, pain and rejection is portrayed as part of relationship, and is easily solved, with a wide smile on their faces. Not being able to communicate like others, the loving couple which starts of as friends, takes the initiative of learning sign language as well as mouth movements to understand each other. This is clearly a good movie, especially those who are finding love, and those who are currently in a relationship. Basically it teaches you how to value your loved one, beyond their flaws. A must watch movie!! Okay, i know its in tamil and many dont really understand the language, try getting a cd with subtitles, its worth it! [well thats in my opinion]

Okay, back to business. Well i must say i'm now a big 20 already..lol..thanks to all my friends who took the initiative to sms/call/email/comment...for my b;day...i really appreciate it!! Your all really special to me!! Thanks so much for the love!! lol..like big celebrity only!! hahahahhaa...well thanks once a again..you guys made my day!! well gtg now..catch ya'll soon..

sharu

ps: if u wanna know more on this beautiful tamil movie, "Mozhi"(pronounced as Molie) feel free to click on the title of this post!

i have been tagged!!

2007-05-02T13:16:00.000+08:00

lol...all thanks too ms.kasthuri! hahahaha....well here goes...

5 THINGS FOUND IN YOUR BAG.....

~handphone: for communication purposes~
~purse...always a needed when there's cash in it~
~lip balm...u cant hang around with dry lips can ya?~
~tissue~
`~loadzz of coins~

5 THINGS FOUND INSIDE UR PURSE/WALLET....

~IC: very important!!! later kena tangkap...pendatang asing:P~
~license~
~cash..hahahha...show me the money!!!~
~coins~
~calendar...yea incase i forget the date~:P

5 FAVOURITE THINGS IN MY ROOM....

~my lappie: i am so glued to it!!~
~my radio: wats life without music?~
~my beautiful yellow wall light that makes my room so romantic at times:P~
~my wardrobe: clothes!!!~
~my side table which has candles and nice decorative items...hahahah~

5 THINGS YOU'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO DO...

~ GO TO PARIS~
~ get a new handphone~
~ go on a holiday!!!~
~ walk around kay elle in one day!!! wanna join?:P~
~ i've always wanted to buy bootzzz!!! u know those murderer';s boots!! haahaha...

5 THINGS UR CURRENTLY INTO...

~FRIENDSTER~
~MUSIC~
~BLOGS~
~ DEEP FREEZE..LOL~
~HANDPHONES~

5 PEOPLE YOU WILL TAG....

~ezreena...ur my first victim!!~
~natalie...who has not updated her blog for a while~
~dharmahla...who has not been blogging for a while too..~
~pui san...ur next in line...do this ok?~
~kasthuri..lol...u've not done it on ur friendster blog yet:P~

hahahahah...have fun ppl~

cheerzzz

if only you cared...

2007-04-24T20:58:00.002+08:00

you know sometimes whether we realise it or not, our action, or our words for the matter, just hurts someone, so deeply. its good when you have someone who is the sacrificing type, the type who just gives in and hopes for the best. I must say i have always been that type of person. But sadly, people dont realise that deep inside me sometimes i do cry. Sadly, these people never seem to understand. I often get ignored, or snapped at, or sometimes when i'm giving a view on something, they just turn their backs at me. All i do is keep quiet. If i really can't take it, i go into my room and cry. Well i'm not ashamed to say this because, i know many people out there are also like me. It sometimes hurts most when that person is someone u care and love. i have always told myself, its important to know a person inside out, thoroughly cause if you do so, it is easier to understand that person, and by doing that u will try not too hurt that person. Sadly only a few of us do that. I have always been the type to give. i dont usually expect anything in return. Even if i do, i'll just tell myself, nobody else. I must say that i've come to point where i'm tired of this, actually i came to this point long long long time ago, but i must say i am still a "giver" and not a "taker". Sometimes, to calm myself down, i tell myself, even if the people on earth dont see it, i just hope God does. Its very depressing to be rejected, to be someone a person wants only for a reason and dumps after that. But sometimes, i thinks its just fate. being rejected, and when everyone is ashamed of me, thats when i realise, how mush "these" group of people care for me. And its sad to say that only a handful actually accepts me for who i am. I am actually very thankful, cause at least i've got some people still willing to accept me. Its sad you know, i thought we live for ourselves, but we must realise, it only works when we're staying alone on an island. As for now, life will be like this... :)

Living in a competitive world!

2007-04-24T20:58:00.001+08:00

Whether we realise it or not, our life has always been a competitive life. We tend to compared from A to Z, from the physical appearance of a person, to the characteristics, education standards to the type of qualification one holds. Okay, sometimes its not us, its just the people around us in general. People enjoying looking and analysing a person from head to toe. Is this good? Is this a practical way of distinguishing a person, whether good or bad, or either successful or just another failure? Maybe its not us, its just our parents, friends, teachers, the society! They enjoy getting hold small details of a person, and making judgements. Okay, it is said that competition is vital especially in this modern and sophiticated era. It seems that being competitive makes the world more progresive. Okay...point taken! But what does this mean? Does it mean we should all compete? hmm.. something to ponder about.

missing you....

2007-04-19T22:24:00.000+08:00

It was january 1994. The day i hated most. The first day of school. I enjoyed the shopping i had before that particular day. A new bag, new shoes, new clothes, new pencil box, new pencils...and the list goes on. i packed the night before, praying for the day to pass as slow as possible. I didnt want the night to end, i didnt want to sleep. First day of school, wasnt really new to me as my pre-school friends were also going to the same school. I entered the school, saw my friends, and that was when i thought..school isn't so bad afterall. I never knew that the best part ( or maybe the worst part) was yet to come. DISTRIBUTION OF STUDENTS INTO 5 CLASSES. Man, there i stood eagerly waiting, i wanted to go into the same class as my pre-school friends, for a moment i was praying, chanting..hoping that i'll be with them. Sadly, i was sent to another class. The smile i had on my face just suddenly disappeared. I hated school once again. I entered my new class, glanced through the classroom, the teacher and all the excited students. I told myself, i dont want to come back to this class tomorrow. I entered the class, as we were forced to be seated. i sat right in the middle of the class. To my left, was a tall, fair girl with really short hair. On my right, a sweet smiling girl, with reasonably long hair(shoulder length). I looked at the both of them, one smiled, the other stared. Okay, yea i was terrified. I hated school. Just a few minutes later, as i was staring at the blackboard, The girl that was sitting to my right approached me and introduced herself. I felt better, then the girl on my left did the same. I felt much better, we went for recess together, we talked, showed all the new stuff we got for school. Those were the two human beings who coloured my life on the first day on primary school. Okay, the girl who was sitting on my left was Kaveena and on my right was Dharmahla. I am proud to say we're still friends.

Primary school was fun. I became a prefect when i was in std. 3. I was always that prefect who came exactly on time, before the bell rang. hahaha..yea everyone knows. i enjoyed those beautiful old days, never really knew what problems were. Ok..maybe the problems i faced were homework and strict teachers. When i became a prefect, i grew closer to a few people, i have to state their names, farah eleena, shireen, priya dharshini, and the list goes on...i loved those days. Std. 6 was the best huh? besides UPSR though..lol

Then it was secondary school. This time round, i wasn't at all nervous, neither was i scared cause i knew that my old school friends were going to be in this school, well at least most of them. I entered the class, and to my suprise, my close friends were all separated from me. And ok...at that moment, the nervousness and all came back..hahaha.. then i decided, its time for me to break the ice. So i approached this thin, fair girl, with shoulder length hair..she seemed so quiet..i introduced myself, i'm sharmini, from skttdi...and guess what she said..lol..this was funny. she said," yes i know. i am from skttdi too". HAHAHAHA...and ok..i'm going to be honest...i barely knew her and have never seen her. hahahah..yea..dat girl was rachel. hehehehe...we became friends...and i must say we are still close friends till today. i had other close friends too, kavitha, debbie, farah eleena was still a close friend back then. wow..those were the days alrite. life was more stressful in secondary school compared to those good old primary days. We had to be more independent and we had to meet deadlines, we had two major exams to sit for, PMR & SPM. I met many new faces back then... i remembered making a really good friend when i was in From 4... Natalie. Suprisingly, her mum and my mum were good friends! talk abt being in a small world. i loved the group of friends i had...nat, jo, carolyn, debbie, hui xian, kavitha, rach....and the list goes on.... I really miss u all so much and hope to see you all soon.

Then it was time for me to take the next step. The crucial step after SPM. There was college and stpm. I went to Sunway Univeristy College as i got a discount for the A-Levels course. I made a few friends there,,,more like classmates then friends..but i must say that i met a beautiful human being named dashini...she was a great friend back in college and we still do keep in touch. We used to look forward for breaks after classes...we'll meet at the cafeteria...and the chit chatting begins. Then i took a drastic step, i switched to STPM. Due to sudden financial problemz and sudden decisions, i decided, i'm going to face that exam, that is said to be one of the toughest exams in the world. So there i was, searching for my offer letter to do form 6, at a boys school...wait...AT A BOYS SCHOOL...omg..i was telling myself, things could never get worst than this...i knew rachel was studying there...and i knew we could hang out and stuff, but i was also aware that we're in different streams...different class, different group of classmates...man..ok..here i am...walking into the school..climbed that classic old staircase to the office...where i met this indian guy...he scared me for a moment though....lol..but he was kinda nice la..hehehehe....yea its mr.puva. he asked me to go for assembly before meeting mrs. cheng. i was like...can we wait in the canteen, and he was like..NO! wow..ok..fine..there i was walking behind my dad...terrified by the population of males in that school..hahaha...its a boys school..wat do u expect. so...there i was standing behind the form sixers who were nicely lined up...man i must tell u...everyone was staring at me like i was a ghost or sumthin..lol... so a nice prefect, which was thilaga..she asked me to stand in a line...cant remember which class it was ..but i just stood there..waiting for the next step. as soon as assembly was over, i ran back to my dad, ok fine yea i'm a daddy's girl..gotta problem wif dat? hahahah...then this group of students approached me...and i was so happy to see rachel...and i saw sumone else i knew, iylia and sara. In that same group, there was a guy and 2 girls whom i was sure i didnt know..we introduced and stuff...it was shalesh, kamini and kavitha. And they were like...come to science four...ok...for a moment i was relieved,,,i finally know some ppl i n the science stream...and i was praying and chanting all over again...hoping to be in sc.4, so i went to mrs.cheng's room...filled up sum forms and she was considering reli long...and finally the verdict...you are going to sc....THREE!! and i was like...oh NO!!! hahaha...drama wei...ok...entered the class...i sat right next to the front door...didnt bring any books...so i was bookless..hahaha...thankfully selvi, the girl who was sitting behind me was nice enough to make me relax..and share her book. ok...it was biology,... and the teacher was my class teacher..ms.lee...i was thinking of more like plant cell, animal cell thingy...and instead the teacher drew carbon chains and all...guess wat it was that chapter on carbohydrates and all...man i was lost! ok...so..after the class ended...it was maths class, the teacher was nice...she noticed me as soon as she got in and she was like...i need to photostate one more...she rushes down to the office...and photostated one extra piece of worksheet. so sweet of her...yea...it was ms.wee. maths made more sense to me than bio did..lol..ok...finally..the time i was waiting for...RECESS! LOL...so...there i stood up..packing my bags...waiting to go to the canteen..which i didnt know where it was..lol..selvi promised to show me around...but i was held by this tall, thin strict looking girl..ok...i must say i freaked out...it was kasthuri..the mpte representative of sc.3...ok..seeing her in front of me..was a lil scary la..coz she kinda charged me..lol..guess what she said "hi i'm kasthuri and u have to pay 20 bucks for sum mpte thingy"...lol...and there i was...i just stepped foot into this school and they're already asking me for money..lol..bully!! hahahah...those were the days alrite...i must say i made good friends here in st.john. kasthuri, kalaiselvi, ashweni, viwashine, selvi, yun yin, yeen mum, the whole indian society gang...rachel, and the list goes on and on... the teachers were great too...and especially mr.rajan..haha..it was fun working with him and all...i must say i gained the most experience being in this school...althought it was only for 1.5 yrs...and yea there was stpm...hahaha...i miss those days...

well, i must say thank you to all the beautiful ppl i met from primary school days up to the end of upper six...you all made a difference in my life..my life seems more meaningful now...and its all cause of u. i hope this beautiful relationship between us will last forever. cheers

love and relationships..

2007-04-18T20:45:00.000+08:00

ok..honestly..what is the chemistry/biology/physics behind love and relationships? lol..it's making me laugh already. I think in these modern, sophisticated days, we fail to realise the essence of a relationship, the essence of love. Ok, ask yourself, what is love and what does it take to be in a relationship? Is it just about having a companion or is there more to it?

It seems more like a need nowadays, to have a bf/gf. Okay, we talk abt maturity, the development of the brain..etc that causes one to fall/ get attracted to the opposite sex, or maybe in these days, to individuals of the same sex. Fine. Point taken.

But what happened to understanding and respect? I've been around people who are in relationships and are in love, and i must say i've learnt a lot. Its a package. Falling in love and being in a relationship is all abt accepting that whole package, not only the love and affection, but also the flaws, the bad habits, the irritating attitudes..lol..the list goes on.

Question: How many people actually understands this?

I must make it clear, i am not judging anyone, or saying that love and relationships are bad. honestly, i cherish love and i believe in strong, and long lasting relationships. Its just that i'm confused. What is it all about? Do we understand it at all? wow...confused!

anywayz, i've attached a link to this post. its a list of quizes related to love and relationships. feel free to try them. [click on the title of this post to go to the link]

have u ever thought of me?

2007-04-16T22:27:00.000+08:00

sometimes, whether we realise it or not, we do think of people. People in this context refers to our friends, the people who just step in and out of our lives, our enemies, relatives, family, etc. We take a moment to think of their appearance, then we move on to their characteristics, then we slowly move to beautiful memories or maybe the bad memories we had with that person. then we wrap it up by making a conclusion. The conclusion could be nice, making us smile or it could be something that we wouldnt wanna remember anytime soon. Either way its interesting, the power of the human mind, to remember from A to Z about someone. What interests me, is that we never seem to erase these tiny details of people that we meet in our lives. I wanst the most popular girl in school, but i must say i remember almost everyone in my primary school/ secondary school, and the small incidents that happen..i can remember this incident..we were playing net ball, and i remembered this gal who was so popular in school who had to step my leg in order to score...lol...so funny!! but when i look back now, i laugh...but to tell u da truth, i was damn pissed with her when she did that. hahahahha...

sometimes i wonder, why dont we let the person know we are actually thinking about them, i know i am shy about it too...but wouldnt it be nice if some one gives u a call or smses u to say that he/she was thinking abt you today. i've got calls like that before from my close friends...and i must say at that moment, u feel so good abt urself cause it feels like there is someone who actually cares so much for u. hmm...why dont we do the same? its much harder when it comes to the opposite sex...tell me abt it...automatically they'll have this thing running in their heads: i think she/he has a big crush on me...lol...so childish..we will never change ha? Take a moment to think abt this, someone calls u to say he/she thought abt u...lol...

ok enough of the crappy stories, since its my blog...its supposed to be abt me...i've been okla lately...have been bz training my new maid, have touched books lately..lol...wanna study again...scared i might be a lil too lazy when uni starts...desperately wanna learn accounts...but the books have been confusing..lol...yea..i'm doing ok la..besides a lil regreting here and there..lol...but am ok...well i kinda miss my school frenzz...... i so wanna c u all some time soon k...okies...cheers

when luck is not on our side....

2007-04-02T21:43:00.000+08:00

when luck is not on our side, we do okay...but we will always turn back and moan "man, i wished i had more luck". Life has been like that for me lately. I'm not regreting, just moaning. Sometimes, its hard for people to understand, what we're going through and what we actually want. But i've always had that 'lil' thought in me saying: "if they try a lil harder to understand us. by all means they'll definitly know what we're all about". But then again we're definitly not living for other people, are we? But whether we like it or not, judgements passed by these people to a certain extend does affect us, whether we're aware or not. so what do we do? we cant completely ignore it for sure...so what should we do? haih, you know in this world there are 3 types of people:

1) People who care and understand

well this includes your parents, yea i know parents aren't that understanding to some people, but they actually try to understand and the best part of all...they try their best not to hurt you. so they actually really care and cause minimum damage!

2) People who care but hurt!

well this includes some people who actually care, but are always there to cause the most damage! lol...sounds so mean. but yeah its true. they care, in the sense that they actually want to know the whats and the whys but they're always there to put you right at the bottom, making you feel bad and heart broken. sometimes, they even make u guilty!!

3) People who care a damn about you.

hahahha...i love this group of people. they dont care about you, and they dont actually cause damage!! lol...you live your life and i'll live mine! ;)

after a while~

2007-02-10T22:27:00.000+08:00

hey peepzz...how are you all doing? well i know its been a while since i blogged. I've been bz:P ..hey its true.. i just started work. i'm working at Cargo And Logistics Management Sdn Bhd. the office is at damansara perdana. ok la...actually its my uncles(or maybe aunty's) office...its kewl la...i'm like a marketing assistant to my uncle..i prepare flyers, email, spreadsheets, letters, and stuff...work is good la...as far as i'm concern...i'm learning sumthing good la..no doubt abt it! so...sorry guys...i know i've not been replying emails..smses...sorry!! i've been bz...i go to work at 9...and come back either early(which is abt 6pm) or late(7/8pm)...so...by the time i settle down and all...i'll hit the bed...so...i hope u all understand!!

well...i'm gettin a lil nervous now..man,,,results will be out in less than a month 4m now..and worst part is...my SAT results will be out in just a week....man,,,i sumtimes feel like i've screwed things up la...am not confident at all la...well...all i can do now is pray and hope that the results will be good! pray for me too k?;) hehehhe.,..if i do well...then i'll belanja u all:P heheheh..

ok i think dats all 4 today..pretty tired..had work today..and am feeling pretty sick..so gonna tidur d...take care!!

am i good enough for u?

2007-01-28T17:34:00.000+08:00

whether we realise it or not, we're actually living under this qoute "do you think you're good enough" i know..it seems more like a question than a quote. what i'm trying to say is that now we live to please others..

am i pretty enough? am i photogenic enough? am i your type? should i wear this or that?

its okay to consult a third party once in a while..no harm..but living by what they say..there's where the problem starts!

have i been hurt? yea i have. people comment about me every single day...at home, outside...everywhere! sometimes, verbally and sometimes through peoples actions...it does make me wonder, whether i am good enough for the society..they comment on my looks, grades, behaviour, acts, well...lets just say everything. the worst is when people show dissatisfaction through their actions. man, thats when u've got loads of things just running in ur head, and thats when ur self-esteem level drops drastically! have been there!! trust me... that moment..man..its like ur rejected...ur like the unwanted member of this society..its like ur just not good enough..and u start feeling small! hahhaha...i'm speaking from experience! its bad..once i even felt like leaving..as in leaving this situation...like migrating..lol...sadly had no money! actually, i've realised that no matter where you go...there will always be these "special" group of people who just cant get over commenting you! so live with it!okay. we have to live beyond peoples expectations.. we have to live beyond all the comments and criticism..because we are who we are!

Girl: Hey
Boy: What?
Girl: I really like you. And I... I think I'm falling in love with you.
Boy: Ok...
Girl: What do you mean "ok"?
Boy: I don't like you like that...
Girl: Why not?
Boy: I can't tell you... maybe another time...

From then on, the girl kept askingthe boy "Why not?" whenever she sawhim, and he kept answering the sameanswer of "I'll tell you later."Finally the girl got fed up.

Girl: I'm tired of this! Tell me why you don't like me!
Boy: Do you really wanna know why?
Girl: Yes!
Boy: It's because you're uglier thanANYTHING!What's the point of going out withsomeone whenthey're not pretty?!
Girl: But... I...
Boy: Just shut up and leave me alone!

The boy leaves and the girl is sittingthere alone,crying her heart out. Then her cellphonerings.

Girl: Hello?
Mom: Sweetheart? I want you to gohome, ok? I'llbe home from work in a few hours.
Girl: Alright Mom.
Mom: I love you.
Girl: I love you too, Mom.
Mom: Bye Bye.
Girl: Bye

The girl heads home and once she gotthere, shewent in the bathroom and looked atherself in themirror.Girl: I'm not pretty enough...She set to work, knowing fully wellwhatshe wasgoing to do. 2 hours later, her Momcamehomeand heard the bath water running. Shewentupstairs to find the hallway floodedsoshe knockedon the door

Mom: Honey? Are you alright?

She opened the door and was shockedatthe site.The bath was overflowing onto thefloor,and thewater was tinted red. She walkedover tosee whatwas inside and screamed. There, herlittle girl waslying with cuts all over her face andwrists. HerMom backed away and was going to runto call thepolice when something caught her eye.On themirror, am I pretty enough now?

No one deserves to be told that bysomeone theylove.A person's appearance doesn't count.What counts is their heart inside of them and their personality.No one wants to be told they're notgood enough...

so people...stay the way u r..cause..you are beautiful! and no idiot can deny that!

just in the moment~

2007-01-22T00:57:00.000+08:00

what does God want to see?

2007-01-17T22:40:00.001+08:00

What does God want to see?

What does God want us to do?

Is he watching us?

Why are the so many questions without answers?

I know, at this moment you might think that i'm questioning the existence of God. Well actually i'm not. what i'd like to know is what he expects from me? what does he want me to do? it all comes back to this:

LIFE!

I bet we're all aware of the saying"live life to the fullest", but question: what's life's limit?

well ok, i'll get to the point. we're living today, learning from the past and thinking about tomorrow;

Question: but what are we trying to achieve?
Answer:okay...there is education, career, family,etc

Question:But what is all this for?
Answer: to achieve a fulfilling life

Question:What is a fulfilling life?
Answer: a life without worry, a smooth mode of living; with "MONEY"

(recently i read an article...just a random one..it was stated that about 90% married couples(love marriage) end up with a divorce, due to financial problems)

you see what has happened to our society. everyone has this thing stuck in their head. MONEY! SHOW ME THE MONEY!

now, tell me, is life all about money? what happened to love, friendship and the virtues that we hold till today? doesnt that matter?

seriously...i dont know! i dont know what matters these days. i'm losing things that i never knew i could..i'm learning things that i never knew...i'm experiencing things...things that sometimes brings a smile on my face...and sometimes kills me deep inside. so, when you ask me what is life about, i really dont know!

things have not been great lately. i'm smiling, and laughing like never before, hiding my sorrow and weakness, so that no bloody human being could ever hurt me anymore. Am i doing the right thing? i dont know! i'm losing the people that i trusted..i'm losing my temper...i'm losing my heart and all the feelings i ever had for the world, and for the people i love. But i must say, i am no weakling, as i've not lost my strength and will, to go on with life, and i'm really happy about that. i am still very grateful, as God has given me a group of special people, that i still trust and care for till today! although this group is getting smaller day by day.. i must say its a blessing, as now i know who my true and loyal mates are!

just in the moment~

2007-01-08T22:36:00.001+08:00

I WANT CHOCOLATE CAKE! hahahha...i really miss my aunts chocolate cake..she makes the best chocolate icing...man...it just melts in your mouth! every bite feels so wonderful..hahahha... reminds me of what kasthuri used to say..eating chocolate is like making love(her favourite line)..."like as though she has made love b4" lol...we used to tease her(especially tommy and i)...askin her whether or not she was a virgin after she says that favourite line of hers. wow...those were the days... we waited so much for this moment.. to be free, to enjoy life, waiting for school to end...without even realising that it would/could cause a great amount of loss! yea i know i should be happy and all...but i'm missing school life...now everyone is doing their own thing...i barely even know wat they're doing...sometimes i try keeping in touch...but...it takes 2 hands to clap doesnt it? haih... its so sad...u know they always say...there are many types of friends: friends that u keep for the rest of ur life, friends that only appear for a reason, and friends that stay with us based on interests... i never actually classified my friends at all...but i must say...i hope they're not friends that only come for a reason...hmm... i know i've started crapping again..LURVE CHOCOLATE CAKE!! hahahha...

have been thinkin~

2007-01-06T22:28:00.000+08:00

hey...happy new year! anywayzz...today was a pretty hectic day,... went for the star education fair...at the KL convention centre...sumwhere near klcc...was good la...since i am in the science stream...i went for medicine, biotech, biomed, biochem, pharmacy and all...was good la...had to keep my options open...knowing that the results isnt gonna be dat good...so...i had to look at the best and the worst cases...lol..yea...talk abt being prepared...i was like thinkin...if i flunc this...i might as well join bakering colleges...at least i'll learn how to cook...hahahha... well...lately i've not been myself...lots of things goin on in my rather small skull...lol..not that small la..yea...its so hard to live...education, life, love, haih...sumtimes it makes me crazy!!!

education- virtually worried abt results...and my future...man...seema like i dont stand a chnace at all in this world...all they want are acceptionally good students...and the sad part is they never ever will take a second to consider the "normal" or average students... haih... finding a place in this world is one...being successful is another...haih...so hard.

life- thinkin of this journey...always wanted a smooth journey...i know life is never a smooth journey...but u noe...i just want a life close to perfect...hahahha...u noe today...i went for the education fair with my fren and her mom...and it was fun i must say..her mom virtually was tellin us to do sumthin other than medicine...here's wat she said:

if you're going to do medicine... it takes 5 yrs to get ur mbbs...then another 3-5 yrs to specialise...then another 5 yrs under the government which u noe isnt going to be fun as they will send u to some ulu place...then by the time u wanna establish urself...u'll be 35? when r u going to settle down?i have a doctor friend...he got married to a doctor...he said his life sux...he barely sees his wife...(man...dont we noe why he misses his wife:P)

lol...i love wat she said...hahahhaha...its so cute...its nice to hear an adult talk...especially a woman...man they cant wait for their daughters to settle down...lol

love-well okay...this doesnt have anythin to do wif me la...just that it seems like ppl are now in a lovey dovey mood la...its good i guess...but then again there are some still wondering why they ever fell in love...i guess thats the upz and downs of life...wonder when will i give in to all this feelings...just restraining myself la...sumtimes deep inside me...i feel like i need sumone to lean on for support...someone to guide me thru every lil thing that i'm goin thru...but then the pain and sorrow that my frens go thru just makes me feel like i should forget it...haih...

lol...i'm just crappin la...ok ppl have fun reading this crap~

Cassie-Long way to go~

2006-12-24T20:44:00.000+08:00

hey...yea...my current fav...cassie~ anywayzzz...hello to you! its been a while ah? i know...i promised to blog almost everyday afta my exams...sadly i wasnt around... was at my aunts place... hmm...i must say i dont reli mind spendin time wif my cute and sweet lil cuzins... life afta stpm isnt dat great la....i seem to worry abt results and all....can you believe it...i have been having both good and bad dreams abt my results.... and the best part is that in every dream...madam tan(my chem / class teacher) tend to appear...lol...weird ha...i guess i kinda miss her...lol...i must say i was once kinda scared of her...lol... well...i dunnola...it keeps haunting me...like as though i didnt do my best...so worried... the pressure increases when ppl tend to jump to conclusions regarding my results and all... they think dat i will get all a's just cause i did pretty well for spm...haih...its just so unlogical...wat theory is dat? haih...anywayzz...we'll just have to stop thinkin abt dat... wow...its christmas eve,.... i love christmas... no other season is as great as this! we're all having a gathering tomolo....to celebrate christmas...hahahha...so fun...i hope la:P well...i'd like to wish all my frens...especially to my pet sis ezreena ...MERRY X'MAS!!! have lots of fun....hope this day brings lots of happiness and joy to you!!

exams over...but aint dat happy:(

2006-12-05T18:12:00.000+08:00

hey peepzzz...i know its been a while...i'm back...hahahhaha...

2006-10-07T21:18:00.000+08:00

LOL....TALK ABT CRAP!

cryin for love....

2006-07-27T17:17:00.000+08:00

love...wat does it mean? when do you know that you love? when is it that this "feeling" strikes you? everyone is yearnin for love...from my bro...my parents...till my cat and my flower horn[who is currently damn bloody sick...and is just waitin 2 die :'( ....]...its so subjective...its not abt having sumone to hold and cry to...its just abt feeling loved...and cared about...rarely you find sumone who truly loves you ha? but do you know...dat deep inside everyone...there is love...sadly people never express it,...and worst still there are people just avoiding and ignoring it....isnt love good? isnt it why were all here on earth...to love and to care for each other...but u know...it is pretty weird to go round tellin everyone" i love you" or "i care for you" they might just turn around and think dat ur sum nut case or sumthin...lol.. actually we shud be pretty sad abt this situation...especially when were talkin abt our family...and frens...its not dat we dont know each other....well...i bet most of us know these group of people very well....we talk abt everything under the sun...but we tend to forget telling them how much we love them....mayb its coz we feel weird and all....but arent these people close to our hearts? why do we feel this? why cant we be open....this is worst especially when it comes to friendship...especially between 2 individuals of different sex...lol...the more u say abt love...the weirder the situation gets....can you believe it...people (as in a group of frens) can actually discuss from studies, to tv shows, to sex...but yet they cant talk abt love....its just so weird ha? c'mon weve gone to sex...why not love? love seems to be a more decent topic compared to sex...lol...ok...ok...i know...i'm startin to sound weird and all...dun worry...this has nuthin to do wif me,,,,it was just sumthin dat i was thinkin abt lately...actually honestly speaking...i dont do it either....i never tell or even show my frens....how much they care for me...its like a mere act...we act like theres nuthin in our heart...like as though there isnt a place in our heart for them....people who actually mean a lot to us...i guess mayb its coz...love is always misunderstood....lol...go and say "i love you" to a person of the same sex as u...and they'll think you're gay....lol...and if u do dat with the opposite sex...well...gone...there will b a big rumour dat u like dat person and all the crap...lol...people can always act matured....but seriously how matured are you? if u take love only as being gay or as bf/gf relationships and all...then you're so wrong my friend....trust me...love is more of care its not wrong to care...example: when your friend falls down or sumthin...you rush and actually help the person...dats care...dats LOVE....you wouldnt wanna c the person close to your heart suffer do you? you c...its so sad to c wat the society thinks of love...we are part of the society...and no doubt we think exactly like any individual on this beautiful planet...so...basically...wat i'm tryin to say is dat...tell your loved ones...ur family and ur frens...how much they mean to you...and that you love them....trust me...there is no better feeling...other than being loved!! and even if you're shy...its okay...if u dont wanna say it...express it...let your frens realise...that every move you take when your with them....is just how much you care for them....love others and u'll feel lots of love in return! love is beautiful....cherish and appreciate love!!

hmm...

2006-05-29T23:48:00.000+08:00

u know wats interesting...the way ppl act in front of whom they love.....why cant affection be shown i n public...is it reli none of their business? hmm...its reli weird...some just love to show others whom they reli love....whereas some just ignore their loved ones in public...and some...they barely even make eye contact with their sweetheart...when they're with their frens and family...well mayb they're worried that their parents might kill them...i totally understand.. its so interesting....its not that i'm against it or wat...its just unique...all depends on the couple...whether they want it to be known or not....hmm...wondering why i'm discusin this topic? well i got to know sumthin rather new....cant quite discuss it in public...lol...but yea...its just so funny...ok...ok...lets say A is the gal...and B is da guy...A and B act like as though there's nuthin between them....actually they barely talk...discuss or even make eye contact with each other when they;re surrounded by the ppl they know...ok...but...there is big BUT...they go home together...theres this guy waits for gal...and gal waits for guy thing goin on.,...and the worst is...the gal discusses things abt B to her frens....without meantionin his name...wat is even funnier is dat...all her frens already know that she's with B but yet they act like they dunno....so basically everyone is just PRETENDING!!! lol...how bad can it get....i wonder whether these people feel so unsecuremor are they scared ...worried that the society...or mayb their frens and family cant accept their partner....hmm...interesting eh? oh well...thats sumthin to ponder abt...well well well...how r u all doing...wonder how i am? well i'm dyin...sufferin...totally drownin...lol...stpm is comin...and sharu is dyin...!!! hahahhaha....not prepared la...exams comin summore...haih...other than dat life is hectic...tuition...skool...tv...computer...homework...and sleep...dats all abt it! hahahhaha...kinda miss chattin though...miss chattin wif all my chattin pals...hahahhaha...u know who u r...well when ur free leave me a msg k...wana noe how ur all doin....c ya'll soon...tc...nit3zzzz muaxxxxxx

officially 19~

2006-04-30T11:22:00.000+08:00

okies...yesterday was my b'day...was a pretty hectic day...in da mornin i had my malaysian university english test(muet) and it was pretty tough la...the toughest muet paper that i've sat 4...hmm....anyway...i tried my best...the test ended at around 1 then headed back home....the had to study 4 my chemistry test(tuition)...haih...studied....but nuthin got into my head...was so dead tired....then...headed for tuition...thank god...the test was cancelled.:P we told sir that we didnt study and all...lol....then i came back at around 6.40....then...to my surprise....there was a partee.....for ME!! my aunt came over...she got me a cake and all....hahahhaha....so cute la...my cuzins were all so excited...lol...so...there was a cake cutting ceremony...the cake arrived...everyone sang da birthday song...and as i was abt to make a wish and blow out the candles...my lil cuzins blows all the candles for me...hahahhahaha....he was rushin 4 it...lol...hahhahahha....then we had tea and all...was great la...hmm...oh yah...i wanted to load u all in wif sum info abt my indian musical nite rite...i know its been a while since te show...but i seriously gotta tell u...it was so great....i doubt anyone of us expected it to turn out the way it did...it was so professionally done....everything was so damn bloody perfect!!! haih....u noe wat...for all the hard times the committee members went thru...for all the controversi and arguments we had...it was all WORTH IT! i wish i could just show u wat actually happened on dat day....sadly i didnt record the show...hmm...it was so fun la....everyone was so happy....met new ppl...it was a great experience...plus it was my first time wearing sari:P had sum good remarks on dat 2 :P hahahhaha....will get sum pix and upload soon....till then...c ya soon...take carezzz...muaxxx

ps: to those who sent me beautiful birthday wishes,.....THANK YOU PPL. u all made my day! i reli appreciate it!

"the only unsinkable ship.....is....FRIENDSHIP!"

MUNNA

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